"I don't think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it...", Memoirs of A Geisha, Arthur Golden.
The story told might seemed to be just another story to the listener. To the speaker, its as if re-living one of the harshest and most miserable period of his life. Maybe he isn't in a contented state for too long that he is able to look back and see the difference. its like a person fell down a cliff, and was fortunate enough to caught a grip on a root hanging out in the middle of the cliff. after fighting with every last strenght he's got left to climb up, he reached the edge of the cliff. He was almost there, but half his body was still hanging in mid air. Ask him how he manage to climb up now, and he would have fall again.
life is too harsh sometime(s). but people often get through the harshest period of their life without knowing how they managed it. something kept them going. but what?
what kept me going?
If I were to relive it, I might have fall all the way down this time.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Matter of seconds II
"Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho.
something I shared in my "16th of October, 2005" post. I just felt it again.
something I shared in my "16th of October, 2005" post. I just felt it again.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Drowning in Jazz
(Ak, just as I said that I would post it...)
after four sundays straight being called to work.. I was finally free from my misery. being let off, I went to jazz at Lido. Ladies and Gentleman.. Isaac... is back.
reached a conclusion today. us human beings, find joy in suffering. a few quick examples: we choose to climb a mountain with (freakin) heavy equipments strapped to our body, while we can (conveniently) ride (comfortably) on a helicopter. we choose to shout (at the top of our voice) while chatting, in a jazz pub with (real loud) live jazz band (especially the trumpet.. which I like by the way...=P to AK), while we can actually choose a nice quiet spot to talk (about things that have no significant effect to anything or to anyone in anytime of our lifes).
thats what we did today, (I'm sure you wont find me weird saying this) and we enjoyed it.
I drown myself in Jazz today. voluntarily. (its different from when you're young and when you first started to learn how to swim 20 metres away from the shore and your breathing got messed up and you drown). its pleasurable. trying to catch my breath while humming along with the beat, as if trying to suck in oxygen whenever I succesfully emerge my nose out of the water, fingers tapping on the table or glass, trying to follow the tempo, as if hands struggling to get a grip on something that floats. not like drowing in water, I certainly do not hope to be safe from this joyful tragedy.
nothing compliments jazz better than a good flatwhite (though the best is at Masi cafe!)
after goodbyes, I was walking home (which is like 2 minutes away, which is awesome too), the music was still tangling around me. my mouth, my ear, my mind, my heart. its like you just came out from a smoking room, the smoke penetrates into your clothings and follows you until you change. the jazz was following me alright.
looking forward to next sunday already. =)
after four sundays straight being called to work.. I was finally free from my misery. being let off, I went to jazz at Lido. Ladies and Gentleman.. Isaac... is back.
reached a conclusion today. us human beings, find joy in suffering. a few quick examples: we choose to climb a mountain with (freakin) heavy equipments strapped to our body, while we can (conveniently) ride (comfortably) on a helicopter. we choose to shout (at the top of our voice) while chatting, in a jazz pub with (real loud) live jazz band (especially the trumpet.. which I like by the way...=P to AK), while we can actually choose a nice quiet spot to talk (about things that have no significant effect to anything or to anyone in anytime of our lifes).
thats what we did today, (I'm sure you wont find me weird saying this) and we enjoyed it.
I drown myself in Jazz today. voluntarily. (its different from when you're young and when you first started to learn how to swim 20 metres away from the shore and your breathing got messed up and you drown). its pleasurable. trying to catch my breath while humming along with the beat, as if trying to suck in oxygen whenever I succesfully emerge my nose out of the water, fingers tapping on the table or glass, trying to follow the tempo, as if hands struggling to get a grip on something that floats. not like drowing in water, I certainly do not hope to be safe from this joyful tragedy.
nothing compliments jazz better than a good flatwhite (though the best is at Masi cafe!)
after goodbyes, I was walking home (which is like 2 minutes away, which is awesome too), the music was still tangling around me. my mouth, my ear, my mind, my heart. its like you just came out from a smoking room, the smoke penetrates into your clothings and follows you until you change. the jazz was following me alright.
looking forward to next sunday already. =)
Friday, March 17, 2006
St. Patricks Day, John Mayer
"No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?
And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day..."
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?
And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day..."
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
In Pursuit of hacky awesomeness
made up my mind yesterday night. I went to Seapa Hacky online site and bought me-self a blue/yellow 32 panels footbag. cost me 19 bucks. holy shmoully...
ah well, a first time cost is inevitable in order to achieve the highest rank in "Hackilogy", as Hacky Master.
(7 days before it will arrive at my door step!!)
ah well, a first time cost is inevitable in order to achieve the highest rank in "Hackilogy", as Hacky Master.
(7 days before it will arrive at my door step!!)
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
finally, something to be excited about!
the grass on Waitangi Park was dancing with the wind. lying on the grass, I felt the firmness of the ground.. yet the grass was waving like the rough surface of the ocean on a windy day. what I saw was a conflicting to what I felt. but it didnt affect me in anyway... haha...
holding Memoirs of a Geisha in my hand, pushing my elbow hard against the ground, I felt the grass constantly tickling me. Boon, Toby and XJ was enjoying the sun while I burried myself in my book. As I was digging my way in, a ring tone and a mere vibration broke my concentration. I was being suck out of the book grave in an instant.
I hold my soap-like phone, push the green button.......... to cut the story short...
...my brother called and told me he and my sister will come visit on the beginning of June! yeah!!!! haha...
holding Memoirs of a Geisha in my hand, pushing my elbow hard against the ground, I felt the grass constantly tickling me. Boon, Toby and XJ was enjoying the sun while I burried myself in my book. As I was digging my way in, a ring tone and a mere vibration broke my concentration. I was being suck out of the book grave in an instant.
I hold my soap-like phone, push the green button.......... to cut the story short...
...my brother called and told me he and my sister will come visit on the beginning of June! yeah!!!! haha...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
Ochestra Baobab
.jpg)
it was roughly a year ago when the oppotunity of listening to Ochestra Baobab live slide pass me with only an inch of space. I was so close. I had to come to NZ five days before the concert was being held in Malaysia. that wasnt the worst thing, the worst was, five days later, my brother texted me from Malaysia, saying he was there, at the freaking concert. "Dang!" was the first thing which pop into my mind (actually, something more aggressive..haha..).
a year later, now, after Ochestra Baobab's world tour concert, Wellington is holding a festival -New Zealand Art Festival 2006. I stood numb infront of the billboard on a gloomy afternoon. people around me were walking at the top of their pace to avoid the heavy gloom from falling on to them. streaks of silver rain started to shoot down from heaven. I remained still. there it was...
OCHESTRA BAOBAB, 2006, 8th of March, One day only. NZ Art festival 2006.
I made up my mind before I even finish reading the sentence. "I'm so going to this concert". As confident as a NBA three point shooter, I went to the box office, all ready to pull out my debit card, swipe it on the machine with full strength, and then accept my ticket from the women behind the counter with bright on my face. I would eventually make it to the concert the following Wednesday night, and I would enjoy it a lot. Sadly, this story doesnt end this way.
My day dream was being shattered by something heavier than the rain. almost as heavy as the weight of my weekly rent. it was something I couldnt possibly afford. as if some one snatched a loolly away from a three years old, I felt like I lost the grip on something.
the same night, I walked in the quiet city street after work, as empty as my head was. got back, bath, sat in front of my computer. found something tucked under my laptop. an envelope with NZ Art Festival 2006 trademark on it. In it was a ticket to Ochestra Baobab.
thanks Roy. I owe you everything I can give now.
"and so... I would eventually make it to the concert the following wednesday night, and I would enjoy it a lot..."
Sunday, March 05, 2006
"Adam Lives in Theory"
why the inactiveness in here?
read paul's blog recently, she told everyone (or herself?) that she decided to blog more often. as she use to. and she did. While her cycle of writing-more-often rises, my cycle of emptiness kicks in. emptiness coz of emptiness? or emptiness coz of overwhelming thoughts (problems?) ?
I'd say its the latter.
quite often I found myself in this situation, sitting infront my computer with only my table lamp, all alone, in this "create new post" page, writing about how empty my empty head is, while there are a million things I want to shout out ( I'm sure you guys noticed..). finding it hard, I looked for alternative ways to speak out.
been spitting out some. soaking my new flatty with my problems, drowning him with my thoughts. I was lucky he didnt shout for a safety ring and struggle his way out of this pond. or lake. or ocean. or... what ever. In fact, he said, "you shouldn't be contemplating such thing, you should, while being rational, enjoy your life and be happy...". the easy part is knowing it, the hard part is the realization.
its these time where you find the smallest things can give life a sudden halt, stopping the time at the moment, when you're sitting in a park, listening to life music, with friends beside you, enjoying the sun and the crowd. its that moment where you lost touch with the world and connects to your inner joy. its that moment where you'll find peace and complete emptiness. its that moment where you know you're free from all the reality-ness, the problems. and you'll like it although you know its only temporary.
I had fun today. =)
read paul's blog recently, she told everyone (or herself?) that she decided to blog more often. as she use to. and she did. While her cycle of writing-more-often rises, my cycle of emptiness kicks in. emptiness coz of emptiness? or emptiness coz of overwhelming thoughts (problems?) ?
I'd say its the latter.
quite often I found myself in this situation, sitting infront my computer with only my table lamp, all alone, in this "create new post" page, writing about how empty my empty head is, while there are a million things I want to shout out ( I'm sure you guys noticed..). finding it hard, I looked for alternative ways to speak out.
been spitting out some. soaking my new flatty with my problems, drowning him with my thoughts. I was lucky he didnt shout for a safety ring and struggle his way out of this pond. or lake. or ocean. or... what ever. In fact, he said, "you shouldn't be contemplating such thing, you should, while being rational, enjoy your life and be happy...". the easy part is knowing it, the hard part is the realization.
its these time where you find the smallest things can give life a sudden halt, stopping the time at the moment, when you're sitting in a park, listening to life music, with friends beside you, enjoying the sun and the crowd. its that moment where you lost touch with the world and connects to your inner joy. its that moment where you'll find peace and complete emptiness. its that moment where you know you're free from all the reality-ness, the problems. and you'll like it although you know its only temporary.
I had fun today. =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)