Hung-over-Sunday

after nine of these, and three glasses of wine, what do you expect?

Saturday, Daniel finally finished his last exam, which gave both of us another lame excuse to celebrate over it (although I'm not sure what am I suppose to be celebrating...) got a 12 pack Stella Artois, and a 6 pack Mac's Gold, within a few hours, all the golden bubbly liquid was gone, gone deep down under.

11 pm, Daniel, who had a few additional shots of vodka, was still in great shape, changing into his clubbing costume, jelling up his hair, putting on his perfume, his mouth singing something I couldnt identify. me? I was totally wasted. how wasted? couldnt even decide which side of my shoe to be put on which side of my feet. even cut myself on my fingers while trying to pick up the bottle we broke a few hours ago. my blood flowing uncontrolably.usually I would try to stop the bleeding immediatly, but the alchohol made bleeding so facinating that I sat there and looked at my finger until it was in red.

(time unknown), eventually got to town, me and Daniel was feeling reaaaaaal bad by then, made the decision to go home. we were both reasonably fit, and walking home would be "usually" sweet for us. but given our "unusual" situation, it was expectedly challenging (remember, my place is at least 35 minutes walk away from town). after walking up a few flights of stairs, I squated down on the paveway of The Terrace, and started puking out my dinner, the Stella Artois and wine... wasted (pun intented). looked over my shoulder, Daniel was actually doing the exact same thing, with the exact same pose.

Sunday, woke up with a reaaal heavy head, and soft legs. Daniel? he basically didnt wake up at all. haha, man... wasted.

Pardon the picture :P

when you loss the ability to do something, interest is loss simultaneously.

I'm lucky its temporary. :)

Big-head-shot

its blur, but the friendship is clear.

cheers.

Flare of eternity

like a wing spreading from neverland, armoring us from darkness and ugliness.

its a short while, but its worth standing still from work, putting down everything which burdens, take a deep breath and watch the grand finale of the sun's effort to shine the world.

Why worry?

if i have a whole world of christian praying for me? but i am still, kind of...

thanks...
to those who visit (no matter you saw me or not)
to those who texted (didnt have enough credit to reply all, sorry)
to those who accompanied me to the hospital (good times, ei?)
to those who pray (did and will)
to those who worried for me
to those who gave me food (fruits and M&M's)
to those who gave me hugs
to those who went to the hospital to give me a surprise visit (but didnt see me as I was home already)
to those who offered me money to help out with my living expenses

I appreciate them all.

Thumb Operation

is on this thursday, 7.30am at Wellington hospital.

pray for me.

F.r.i.e.n.d.s.

and so, I stood in front of my door step, looking at four of them leave, until they were no where in sight. the early evening sun was beating down on them. on me.

The warmth was soothing. I stood there for a few more minutes in company of the sun.

I wanted to tell them how greatful I was for their visit as they left, for it must have been an effort-full journey for them to come to my place. I wanted to give eveyone of them a hug, for I have been treated by them in ways I do not deserve. I wanted to give each of them a smile, for that was what they came to see. but all I could offer was merely a few frowns, for things had been really overwhelming.

Think what I am trying to say is (if you guys are reading this... 7 of you), I know your caring for me, and I know I am not good in expressing myself, still (learning low context culture huh?), but I appreciate every little things you guys did for me. and that sometimes though I might seemed moody, its enjoyable to just be around. and that part of my frowns lately was because the thought of you guys, my family for the pass months, are going to leave for Malaysia, without me in just a few months time. and that I know, I will miss out a lot, too much in fact when you guys are in Malaysia. I envy that.

so, cheers, F.a.m.i.l.y.

Lost souls

what use to be the blooming spot of a thousand tulips, is now a graveyard of a thousand lost souls.

dont be naive, somethings arent beautiful all the time.

Broken Thumb

I was able to learn how to snow board in one day, learn knitting on the other...

... but now, I even struggled to squeeze my facial forms out of its tube, its painful. mentally.

Matter of Seconds

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side... And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons, no distant music, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?

Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho.

Emptiness

Lyall Bay, Oct 14, 2005

Gravity, Me and You

Lyall Bay, her, her, her, and the blue sky.

Just as

and so... I looked at the time, 12.03am.

made up my mind that I should leave the party, immediatly, the thought of me being alone on the dark, long and winding road surface in my mind, unpleasant, but unavoidable. Just as I stood up to grab my down jacket, I heard EW saying that he wanted to go too. having making clear that he was going the same way, I thought, "finally, someone to walk with me, not all the way, but at least a person to leave with me...".

said good byes to birthday boy and girl, left as if I dont care, but deep down, there was a few million reasons I want to stay, but only one, not to. in no time, we reached a junction where we have to split up, said good bye, and we both turn away.

just as I thought I am going to be alone again, I heard someone called my name, looked back, it was AK and JP. my flatties. of course, my following journey back home was accompanied by a few conversations, some constructive, some not. but I love them all.

Back to the 70's

Callalily

the beautiful side of the world.

'DayDream'ing

Something to share

after the The Time Traveller's Wife, I took a break on reading, why? read it and you'll know.

I've started reading another book lately, its Paulo Coelho's The Devil and Miss Prym. Read something I thought I might wanna share with everyone:

"The world is full of them (promises): promises of the riches, of eternal salvation, of infinite love. Some people think they can promise anything,others accept whatever seems to guarantee better days ahead... Those who make promises they don't keep end up powerless and frustrated, and exactly the same fate awaits those who believe those promises."

true huh?

well...

at least the cloud has cleared and the full moon is shining, torching the real side of everything.

frustration, hatred, sadness, dissapointment, expectation, anger, and fear. fuck off.

A temper of a cheft

My heart was pounding faster than usual, pumping fresh new blood throughout my body, my mouth was taking in fast-strong-and-deep breath, my legs were running weightlessly downhill, my arms bent into L shapes, swinging back and forth by the sides. Wondering how late I was, I paused my left arm infront of my chest, as usual, to look at my red-Swatch, while my legs remained in their cyclical movement. I sweared because it was empty, my watch was not on my wrist, its was lying in the drawer of my table back home.

Supressing my curiosity on the time, I ran until I reached my work place.

I was having a hardtime earlier that day, well... actually... been having some hardtimes lately. I wasnt feeling good, in fact, I was moody. I slowed down abruptly as I enter the restaurant, trying to walk like a normal people, while actually, I was breathing in with an enormous amount of energy, trying to expand my nosles to its limit and suck empty the air in the restaurant. I saw Errol, said hi and looked away, saw Hayley, said hi and she looked away, I didnt. she was gorgeous. Finally, moment of truth, I saw Lee, the cheft, he did not look pissed. I was relieved.

I pulled out my dark green apron, and started my routine.

It all went well at first, everyone was busy. Garlic bread, calamari entre, beef lasagna, chicken rissoto, seafood velvet, scotch fillet... after a few tables, the cheft suddenly screamed. It wasnt a scream of fear, neither was it a scream of excitement, rather, it was a scream of anger, of hate, of frustration. He forgot about the fish-of-the-day-with-mango-salsa in the oven. it was over cooked. Out of frustration, he said "ah... fuck it..." and ordered me to serve it anyway. the fish sat under the heat-lights, waited for roughly 5 minutes before Hayley came and pick it up for the customers. As she was walking away, the cheft suddenly decide that he will make another one. he was mad.

it all went wrong after that.

the cheft was showing his temper, yelling at everyone in the kitchen, including me. I got angry when he yelled at me. I thought it wasnt fair for him to express his anger on us when he himself did something wrong. My heart was in one hand, filled with discontentment, on the other hand, fear. "I pulled my apron off and walked out", but for money's sake, it was all just in my imagination. everyone kept quiet until the end.

that night, as I crawled into my duvet, I started to think, as a person who can get really moody sometimes, I understand his feeling at that very moment, that very split second, when he wants to burst and fuck everyone up, but more importantly, I realised the feeling, of people around the cheft. moreover, people around me.

the monster inside me...