J-A-Z-Z

I havent been this excited in ages. I went to jazz today (yes I DID!), caught up with long lost jazz time.

We went to this pub call Jazz at South Bridge in Singapore (which ive been to a few times before). when we arrived, it was an ordinary trio comprising a piano, drum, and of course a bass. but after a couple of songs, they introduced a vocal (that was a suprise, whats more amazing is, there wasnt any cover charge!). This vocal - James Flynn, scott-ish, turned out to be a very humorous guy. we've had the privilege to mingle with him (and his Eva-one-of-the-desparate-housewifes-look-alike partner) after two sessions. it was good good... Goooooooood....

also, My brother brought me to a CD store earlier this evening before jazz, a place call Gramaphone. its got a few listening post (nice Pioneer cd player, and veeeery nice headphones) with loads and loads of recommended cds, its good pretty good deals on cds, and whats more is its got all the cds I couldnt find in other places!! haha..

good times.

A Nice Dinner

4 primary school mates
2 Entrees
2 Soups
1 bottle of nice New Zealand, Hunter's Malborough Chardonnay
4 Main Courses
3 dessert
2 hours

... 560 dollars.
but thanks to my friends company, we've got a 600 dollars worth of voucher. we didnt pay a penny. Thanks again Nic. I had a great night. =)

So its being said

whats a loser?
a loser is someone who is so afraid of losing that they dont even try.
so am I tryin? or should the question be..

am I tryin 'hard' enough?

Merry Christmas

to... you! whoever you are!

Flash back

to the time when blue is blue, and white is white.

Time flies like an arrow..

life has been afloat. on still water. occational breeze trembled the stillness of the water surface. yet I wind-up floating on the exact same spot. no where to run, no where to hide, anymore.

came back from Wellington a little less than 4 weeks ago. has it been that long? trip to Australia and Taiwan didnt do the trick. I went straight to Penang up north west of the peninsular after the spin across south east asia, then all the way down south to Singapore. I knew dodging the reality was as impossible as dodging the bullet. the various indifferent choices of life huh? living the choice you've made is as hard as making it at the very beginning.

yet, I sit here, having fullfil Anna's request, trying to force my mind to concentrate on what matters the most - on searching for the very thing that when being found, things will, according to a lot of people, sort itselve out - a flippin' job.

can someone please give me a good slap?

Still excites me!

seeing a...

... for Welly on the NZ weather forecast site.

must have been a great day! =)

Alisan National Park, 11th day in Taiwan

Our train ride up to Alisan mountain, call the "little red train". it was being built by the japanese during their occupation, to transport wood from the mountain.


we took a walk around the woods as we arrived. it was absolutely soothing.


its being dubbed "four sisters". fours trees grew on a very old tree trunk (which was being chopped off ages ago) by coincidence. nobody planted them!!


Before sunset (dedicated to AK)


Before Sunrise (this too!)


(half an hour after sunrise, sunrise time - 6.33am) We went to the peak of Alisan Mountain at 4 in the morning to wait for the sunrise. there was more than 100s of us waiting. this is the scene of the cloud and fog under us, shielding the valley in between from our sight. the sky was clear blue. if felt like heaven.

Impression

things I found interesting about Taiwan up until now:

1. they speak loudly. specially aged citizens
2. (this is a common thing... but still...) left hand drive?!
3. some lady used garbage bag as suitcase (yeah.. for travelling...). awesome.
4. the amount of 7-11 on one street. it freaked me out!!
5. (now im glad about this) Chinese characters are bigger on road signs. my first time seeing this.

til then! peace out!

3rd day in Sydney

the traffic junction strucked me as a battle ground. ground zero. two battalions of soldier from opposing side in their pre-war formation. ready to charge whenever the signal is given. the green man flicked on and thousands of soldiers crashed. if it were to be a real war, throat would be cut open, heart stabbed, heads chopped off - if it were to be a real war. people slided through each other like water and oil wouldnt mix. the crowd was just amazing.

walking through the streets of Sydney, countless chattering can be heard in coutless languages, sky scrappers filling up the sky like curtains would cover the view through the window - only glimpse of the clear blue. with all the japanese, koreans, hongkies, chinese, taiwanese... etc walking by, I became very self conscious off what im wearing. its hard not to. I felt as if im on the venue of a fashion show.

but right after the long tiring walk about the city centre, was a rewarding coffee experience by the opera house, harbour bridge with a book in my hand.

awesome.



Flatwhite by the opera house - THE opera house


(not to the mention, the flies here are annoying!!!!!)

D-day plus 1 - Sydney

it was almost 8 when i took these. lights of the city glowed while the sun faded.
its a Sunday evening, and as a guy who just came from Wellington, its ... weird to see the city so alive, on a sunday night. it was awesome.


Sydney Opera House


The Harbour Bridge


Sydney Cove

3 Days and Counting

Wednesday
now thats more like it.. =)

4 Days and Counting

Tuesday
Windspeed: 48km/hr
Temperature: 8 C

so this is how my last week in Wellington is going to be huh.

the whistling of the wind woke me up this morning (afternoon). it was so strong that part of the billboard on the building across the street was being torn out. it was left hanging on the building. what was originally a smilling man holding its right thumb up, with blue background and a quote "all for one", is now but a sail on a huge boat which was being freezed in an ocean of buildings. the sky was grey, wellingtonians were too shy to come out. I had my most easy-going music on, jack with his guitar, stacey with her luring voice, oscar with his playful piano, stan with his sax, but they didnt seemed to do the job. my mood was still as it is. tearing apart.

upside is, Im leaving for sydney, taiwan and malaysia, which, the weather will be guarenteed HOT.

flippin hot...

Strawberry Tiramisu

what you think about that huh...?

Weather Forecast

Sunday
- Rain, easing to shower.

Monday
- Some Rain

Tuesday
- Periods of Rain

Wednesday
- Rain Clearing

Thursday
- (yet to be announced) but its clearing up... right?

Just jotting down

things done:
1. got my new passport
2. transfered my NZ Visa
3. got my Aus Visa
4. change of tenancy
5. flight comfirmed


things yet to be done:
1. pack - things to be brought back, and things to be ship back
2. close bank account
3. sell assets
4. give things away
5. book accomodation in Taiwan
6. one last cup of Flatwhite (Masi.. emmm..)
7. make sure i say goodbye to everyone
8. takes pictures around Wellington like an asian tourist (which i refuse to be one)
9. buy some souveniers?
10. Lido Jazzzzz...
11. YHA membership


things that can never be done:
1. be fully prepared to leave
2. not miss Wellington
3. ...

and counting.

12 days and counting.

so i had yet another great day.

woke up a gloomy day, but my mood was on the other extreme end of the scale. I woke up fresh and new. found everyone in the lounge as I struggling to wake myself up completely. with my hair still well (badly) shaped from sleep, I decided we should all go for a movie. as a flat. movie didnt turn out eventually, thus, live music in Hummingbird.

it wasnt until work almost kicked in that the sun shown its majestic ray on us. the warmth landed upon the city. work was fun, its been fun for months now.. lots of jokes, dirty jokes. left work early for a dinner at Carmens, thanks to her, this is where and when the highlight of the day took place. good food, a selection of alchohol, laughter, good people from around the world, and a camera blended into one fine night.

walked AK home after getting "a bit" drunk. on one of the winding road uphill to Upland road, among houses and greens, there was an opening which the display of the whole city was visible. we stood. amazed. the wind was gentle. we could hardly hear anything from the city. as if the view was only a photo - a flat sheet displayin the city.

ive got 12 days left. and I am going to miss Wellington.







so much.

Crazy Mooncake Festival

so we had a very fun sunday. how fun? see it for your self. haha...
.
.
.

20 days and counting.

the soundtrack of the moment - In Between Dreams, Jack Johnson.

20 days til my departure. 9 days til roy's.

it has been a very gloomy week. until today. the sun unfiltered, through the vacuum space, through the clear ocean-blue sky. I woke up extremely excited, partly because of the sun, partly because I finally get one day off work (after 3 weeks of non stop working). this is the day where i dont have to start looking at my watch starting at 4 pm (making sure im not late for work), this is the day i can do my laundry, this is the day where i get to enjoy the street, at its 8 pm. this is the day where my day, is comparatively longer (length of 6 hours). this is the day where i dont have to STAND in tropical weather (you know, stoves, ovens.. heating lights..) for 6 hours.

going off for a cuppa. read my book. 20 days is all i got left.

Day Light Savings

So I love the whole day light saving thing. the whole of NZ will loss one hour on the first day of October. thats means we will be one more hour ahead of the world.

Guess I love longer day time. makes you think you can get more done. while in fact you get to spend longer time under the sun. its good good... goooooooood...

So it has come to this.

Never thought it would be so soon, that I have to say this..

"I'm leaving new zealand.in one month" adding on a ':)' or ':('

ive been given only a one month extension on my visa. though ive been told last time by another Nice Lady that i can apply for three instead. i guess thats the problem. it was a Fat Fuck who attended me this time. or maybe the charming aura wasnt with me that day.

as sad as I am, I still think its not the end of the world (sometimes). more is yet to be decided. there is still.. something to look forward to. anyhow, looking at the bright side of it, I get to see my mom before she flies to the states, and I get to travel, have nice airplane meals, enjoy the jet lag and be extremely fatigued. good times.

what would become of everything?

"The lies in every truth, and the sincerity in every dishonesty. its driving me crazy"

A Movie, A postcard, and An Invitation

could they mean that much?

A Day Like Today. reprise.

gladly, the setting sun was able to peak through the crack between buildings, finding its way into Masi - A little cafe which doenst stand out, being squeezed among pub, book store, sports wear shop, a bus stop and uncountable passerby. the cafe, once entered, a fine coffee aroma would instantly be noticable. like a dog would not miss the aroma of bacon, even in distance. the warmth laid on my face, the light blinded my sight. eyes closed.

had a great day :) until work kicked in :(

Coffee Awesomenesss..

the imperfection. but will do for now.

so AK, this is apparently the second cup of flatwhite I made, and that I am gladly proud of.

paul, if youre reading this, "yes, the chances of me making a coffee that will blow you away is definately higher now=)"

ger ger, haha, I make my own flat white now. though masi's is still very good.

just something I'd like to share, something that I am really really happy about. =D

what ive been listening to?

so, I myself is abit worry about the vibe my blog is showing. and i decided its time to talk about something fun, something which represents me in a lot of ways - my music.

1. Corinne Bailey Rae
found this cd in the city library today before meeting up with cal, listened to the first three songs and I decided to borrow it. shes got a very lazy, yet clear voice. sings R&B, the jazzy kind of R&B. if you like Alicia Keys of Indie Arie, she would be your next choice. a very talented 26 yeras old english lady, plays most of the instrument appeared in the CD. this CD made my "favourite" list the first time I heard it.

2. Emilia Torrini
was being introduced her music by AK. very unique voice shes got. I wouldnt know which genre I would put her music into, but defitnately a "must try". I listen to it everynight before I sleep now.

3. Beth Orton
Some of my frens who share the same music interest as me actually had a hard time accepting her voice. again, a very unique voice, some thinks her way of singing make her sounds like she doesnt know how to. haha.. I wouldnt say I like every songs of hers, but shes got quite a few songs which is at the top of my "good night" list too. thanks to AK again.

4. Bossa Nova
now this is one of my favourite music kind. able to compete with my other fovourite - Jazz. got a few new albums off city library, im not going into details about them. coz im tired now..

haha..

so this is a brief glimpse of what I am after lately. just a glimpse.

5.

Dear AK,

(Dear all too,)

Promised I'd update you with it, but now that you are playing hard to get, I'll play my part in assisting you, hence this private post.

so I went to the immigration service today, again. tryin to apply for an extension on my visa. the lady behind the desk was happy with what Ive got to say for my situation, but she insist on their policy - they do not issue visa to non-passport holder. she also concluded that she can only give an extension of one month, and that is if i quit my job as I apply for the visa. one month? just to save you the mental strength of calculating the date, its 27th of October.

I will go back again on 20th of Sept (one day before my permit expires) to extend my visa. and if my passport arrives before that, I will be all good in apply three months extension, if not, you know the consequence. I will try to extend my visa again before my visitor pass expires, thats is during the end of october. successful or not, lets just smile while accepting whats given.

til then!

with =),
Isaac

I remember it well..

on a relatively cloudless night, you lying on the floor, me sitting on the swing. Me singing Silent Sea, and you looking up at the sky, though cloudless, starless too.

I remember it well, we crashed.

My Cuppa coffee

the cup infront is pale pink. so pale if seen in a distance, one might even mistake it as white. underneath is a saucer, brown in colour, which the size is just right, not threatening the limelight of the cup, and not letting its own fade. on top of the cup, layers of brown, deep brown and white are being carefully laid on, so forming a love shape. it isnt like any other coffee art, the foam, if being looked at long enough, you'll see that its popping out.

putting in the right amount of sugar iss absolutely essential, it must be not less, and strictly not more than one third spoon of brown sugar. slide it down the side of the cup. slowly. leave the spoon - silver, worn out, so severely scratched that its impossible to see anything from the reflection off it, in the cup for roughly 3 quarter of a minute. the sugar dissolves into nothingness. dont leave it untouch for too long though, coz the heat of the coffee might slip away while you are busy with your small talks, and leaves nothing to warm. stir it slowly, lightly, let the spoon dance. in tempo. slightly fast, i'd say around tempo allegro. carefully slide the spoon out of the coffee through the hole made early when being put in. put it on the sauce rather carelessly, yes carelessly, so it makes a crispy "ding", with a light echo. it sounded awesome =)

warm up your fingers, specially your thumb, so as you pinch the ear of the cup, you'll be able to balance the cup and not disturb the foam. deliver it towards you mouth half way while pushing your head towards the coffee half way, showing mutual respect by meeting in the middle of the distance. the flavour find its way into your nostrile. excited. put your lips at the edge of the cup, where the border of the inner cup and the outer are being drawn - the pink from outside and white from inside. sip in half coffee, feel the bitterness and sweetness simultaneously, and then control your lips so a little bit of foam can steal its way into your mouth with the coffee. taste the texture, mix the foam and coffee, and then feel the coffee hidroslide down your throat, every inch, every secon, every sip...

fullfulling...

Lose Control

You just have to accept that sometimes in life, things get out of control, and there is nothing you can do about it. what you can do, what you have to do, is to be there, just be there at the moment, dont run away from it, dont try to feed it with lame excuses. be there, choose, and things will lead itself to an end. good or bad, who cares?

it ends, anyway.

Live Life.

caught up with a fren back in Malaysia, just. Noticed the conversation was so different from when I was still in Malaysia. its... lacking something, humor? came to know a lot of my frens are pursuing their lifes, their responsiblities...

...working freelance in stage production
...auditor/accounting
...barista
...clerk
...direct selling
...engineer
...media producer
... ... cook

for just a split second, I had a panic attack. well, panic might not be the right word. a sudden wobble. yep, wobble's the word. its like a 3 second minor earth quake. not strong enough to destruct, but enough to be felt and feared of. haha, I dont know what was that.

did I miss my frens? or am I questioning the future I am choosing for myself? but at least I know I am not the only one now.

live life, I want to.

No music, no life?

so, I lost every piece of music in my laptop

... again.

if you're a musicloog, you'll know losing your music, is like being castrated (well, maybe not as exaggerating...) you feel a BIG part of you being taken away, useless in a way. whilst being sad and empty in one hand, I beared a word in my mind on the other, relief. surprisingly.

whats more important, is every single proof of my life in Wellington, since 18 months ago, my photos. its like finishing a very exciting novel, only to wake up the next morning and find the novel, although still clearly imprinted in your mind, never existed. you wont be able to show it to someone else.

the upside is... you can still tell the story out of your memory, adding on a liiiiiiitle bit of imagination. =)

A little cup of Significance

coz I made this.

and its close to perfect =)

And,

it started to rain, after two years of draught.

it was 5 in the morning, the clouds started its slow march towards the sky of the city since hours ago, but it wasnt threatening to invade into the city - the streets, buildings, car parks and dreams. planning to make its was across the city, as if a shepard, travelling with his herd, stoppin for nothing cept for food and water. in this case, stoppin for nothing, cept until it cannot hold its growing herd (or herds), and have to abandon the weight.

but it rained. here. now. while the cloud cried into oblivion, it felt nothing. nothing but an incredible sense of relief. and nothing excites it even more.

The OC

weve been on the run, driving in the sun, looking out for number one, and I am back in The OC!! (third season! thanks roy!)

Kings of Convenience

"... The got signed (finally). Erlend (one of Kings of Convenience) could cash in loan that he'd taken to survive the latest years. Eirik (the other one) could quit studies. they could concentrate on doing what they do best:

Spending late nights by the window, in the old, white house, or in Eiriks brand new apartment, drinking tea, making songs that makes the world stop, and listen." Anders Waage Nilsen

A Good Cry

"if you cant laugh at yourself, life could seem a whole lot longer than you like... what do you do? you laugh you know, I'm not saying I don't cry, but... in between, I laugh, and I realize how silly it it to take anything too seriously... plus, I look forward to a good cry...

... feels pretty good."Sam, from Garden State

a good cry huh? its not til when its being said and heard, that you realize you had already forgotten how it feels to cry, to love... to feel. its been a while since I last did, and I feel like shit. how much dignity does it take for a guy to cry?

while the world is sliding across the ecliptic plane, I halted in the pass.

What a difference a day make?

half a million pf people could die.
someone could fall in love, someone could fall out.
the still sun might be shaded out by the forever altering clouds.
threads could be made into scarf.
securing the job which seemed so hard, could be so much easier the day after.
a piece of music to be created. a picture to be drawn.
a book to be written, a heart... to be crushed.
I could change.

from looking like this,
to this
.
.
.
.
.

how do you like it?

Decision made - somehow

called my mom again today, talk for a little more than three quarters of an hour. we talked about my work in kitchens, hows life back in Malaysia, my mom's part time job as a clerk which she quited last saturday, the backpack I had my eye on (which I bought this afternoon), and then finally about our family scattered around the world, and how I really feel like staying in New Zealand. that very moment, my mom said something which helped me decided on something.

"its a dilemma, though I know you really like to stay in New Zealand, theres another thought saying it would be, you know... good... to have you... Back. but I do hope you will succeed in securing your Visa in NZ of course, if thats what you want..."

=)

The Bourne Identity

so National Bank is chargin' me flippin 30 cents for everytime I swipe my debit card. and I uses my debit card like a million times a day. that means, A LOT!!

I went to the teller this morning and asked to close down my account, the man didnt say much, introduced me to this personal manager, sat down, and it was all done. straight away, holding 391 dollars in my hand, I cross the street to Bank New Zealand for a new account.

so I told the customer service officer how National Bank was cutting my throat with the sharpen edges of the charges, and how they shhuu me off by not tryin to retain me as their loyal customer. she took pity on me, and offered me a Graduate package. that is, no monthly cost, no transaction cost, no nothing! sweet! being introduced to another personal manager, my new account was on its way!

when being asked for identification:

Malaysian probation drivers licence - expired (today!! 11/07/2006, means I get my full licence!)
ViC student card - expired
International Student Card - expired
library card - no pictures (insufficient proof of identity)
Visa Card - no pictures (same as above)
flat security card - er..
IDD calling card - er..

so turns out Ive got no forms of identification anymore.. well, cept for my:

passport - expires November 2006.

guess I better start renewin my stuff huh...

*randompost*

so I went clubbin today. it wasnt planned or anything. got a text from work saying their out, asking me if i wanna join. so im like, "sure.. where and when?".

but thats not the thing. (yes there is a thing AK). the thing is... I was alchohol free from the minute I stepped out out of my flat, til the minute I stepped back in.

proud of me-self haha...

they really are the kings...

know Kings of Convenience? two guys, two guitars, one too nerdy, one too shy, yet, they made some of THE best music ever heard.

this is one of their live performance recording singing a song from their Quiet is the New Loud album, titled "Winning a Battle, Losing a War", and I felt tiny. so tiny. see them playing their music, the complication and consistency of their fingerings, firm voices, hitting harmony on every lyric. amidst all thats going on, their facial expression showed nothing but the mere sense of enjoyment. their music.

are they not the best or what? as gay as its gonna sound... I love them.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TBJnUT3XZTE&search=kings%20of%20convenience%20live

???

half way through, and lets see whats on the list huh?

1. just came back from a trip down south, for the third time, with my brother. good times.
2. bought 3 books, very heavy stuff, "Handmaids tale", "Girl with a Pearl Earing" & "March".
3. got a 180 bucks external hard disk.
4. got a pair of Sennheiser PX 200 headphones from my brother! yeah!
5. lost every piece of music in my laptop, which I eventually got back at least half, thanks to Roy
6. started working day and night in the kitchen's'. really tiring, but for the fast cash, guess Im bound to labour myself for a few more weeks huh.
7. got myself really wasted at a friends housewarming party. hung over for 2 days. damn.
8. looking for jobs? neh... better not get in to this topic.
9. going to get a back pack and a goretex jacket at Kathmandu sales. 2008 Europe. here I come.
10. miss my family. & friends
11. called home, friends. good times.
12. no coffee lately, coz of the hung over and wasted stomach. but soon... soon...
13. miss jazz at lido for so many times I lost count. i miss it.
14. found out jazz at sandwiches is actually good!!
15. dying to hang out with friends. everyone of them.
16. this is really random huh.....?
17. guess i better stop here before I fall asleep...

...

...

it was snowing.. haha.. it was all white, and I am all high!!! 

last - Nelson, it was a Thai food stall behind.. yum.. 

then - Haast beach, ok... this picture is completely his idea... 

Then - Lake... Lake... Man... I actually forgot, but it wasl really nice there. 

Then - Queenstown bungy!!!  

Then - Mount Cook (in case you dont know, this is a picture of my brother's snow angel. My first ever!!) 

Then - Lake Tekapo  

First stop in south Island - Christchurch 

One of very few pcitures of the glemore gang (esther's missing!) 

Happy birthday you two.... (ok... just ignore my hair...) 

a pretty "fly" story

ok. here is something...

everyday, I would slip into this pair of dark black jeans to work. its like my work pants, so I dont ruin all my other pants. and so, every first time I went into the toilet at my work place, and everytime I wanted to unzip my pants, I would find that my fly was already unzip (aaaalll the waaaaaay down...). now I have very bad memories when it comes to small things like this, and I thought I really forgot to ... you know... zip my pants.

it was really bothering me. am I really stupid? am I brought up to forget to zip my pants? all sorts of question came popping in. and it grew worse. have I not zip my pants my entire life? did everyone of my friends notice it and didnt say, and that everytime they describe me, they would say, "you know? the fly guy?". I was too scared to ask my room mate about it.

later, one afternoon, I was late for work, and I was out side with my shopping pants (instead of my working pants). I ran to work with it. I went into the toilet that day expecting an opened fly. to my suprise, it wasnt!! later I found the fly on that dark black jeans loosen.

to my relief. Im not dumb afterall.

drama king?

ever wonder why someone could go all hyperactive, then came a sudden gloom parking on top of his head?

reason is, when something good is happening, he would be so happy that he couldnt control himself, but when he thought of him having to go away for something else, say work, the very thought of him abandoning all that excitement(well, doesnt have to something real exciting..) and all thats going to happening, just that, could take away the sunshine in his heart, every last bit of ray will be filtered away.

drama king? or normal?

Music!

it's full of suprise, you'll be suprise how it can really elate you! haha..

"Disgrace"

by, J.M. Coetzee

of all the books I've read, this guy can really write. winner of the 1999 booker prize, I finish every chapter of this book with one word stucked to my mouth - "wow.."

fine fine weather!

had such a nice day. thanks Karin!

:)

Damn!

so I went to her blog and read through quite a few posts. how was it?

it was heart aching.

what had been definite are now shattered. what had been hatred is now softing down. why did I even considered reading it? while the memories come flushing down on me, all I could do is sit in the middle of the cold night, listen to my music, and pretend nothing had happened.

talk about love triangle huh? Im missing someone who is missing someone else.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
damn.

WHAT IF...

she tells you she told her friends her own expenrience to console them, and you know one third of that experience is you.

how would you feel?

it fuckin poured on me..

I was sleeping when it happened. one drip.. two drips... then splash...

apparently the sprinkle of the 7th floor broke. 4 inches of water came watering down in the flat upstairs.. which eventually penetrated the floor, and came through my ceiling.

awesome.

life is full of suprise huh? now if you ask me to tell you one bad thing about living in an aprtment. "you're into it too, when other people fuck up, whether you like it or not".

Asian Banquet

this one down... next?

Job Hunt.

Rain drops keep falling on my head...

du du ..du .. du du du du du du du du ...

I feel empty

numb.. hollow.. unfulfilled.. unsolid.. oblivion.. blank.. desolated.....(pick one..)

since when, I dont know, I'm experiencing this sudden halt on life. its been going on so long I dont even realise the changes. the emptiness is taking advantage of the infinite hours, easing its way into my life, until one day, I would startled from my dream, eyes wide open, trying to catch a glimpse of the reality and grab hold of it. and then I would feel like crying, and yet my eyes would still be as dry as the desert.

and everything changes..

the sun doesnt comes up on its usual route and time. people doesnt have breakfast in the morning, lunch in the afternoon and dinner in the evening. the phone doesnt ring as often, and even when it does, the conversation would be topics no other than work. friends arent friends. enemies arent enemies. reading, drawing, doesnt seemed interesting anymore. and Wellington seems to be no more than a rat cage, with the same people, walking on the same street, day after day after day after day...

worse of all.. I dont really care anymore. I am searching for something (for myself?) but before I found it, I need to know that an indifferent experience exist in some corner of this dimension. I need to know when I tell this to someone, (to anyone!) there are responses which do not merely console, but convince.

I feel empty.

************

been keeping myself pretty busy lately. prehaps not busy enough. had quite a few things stucked in my mind these few.

sorry... I dont feel like finishing this post at the moment.

Sunday 10.45pm

so its really the Jazz huh?

hahaha...

all there is about

woke up this morning feeling excited. why? coz its sunday!!

after forcing myself out of bed, I wondered around every corner of my flat, buggin my very-busy-with-assignment flatties. after more then an hour. I found that I have exactly Nothing to do. then why was I so excited this morning? why did I look forward to this day when every monday came?

it's Jazz man. it is all there is about.

such a jerk..

people wont wanna know what time you finish work or talk about "what have you been up to?" in a disco! they demand more interesting topics such as ... what?! I dont even know what they want.

Yoda:"hm... jerk, you had been, yesterday night."
me:"sorry I am truly, master Yoda, the force was not with me."

I like... *updated*

I like a full-spreaded toast. I like each corner of the toast equally spreaded with butter, nutella or some other crap.

I like to scoop a tea spoon full of sugar and only drop half in my coffee, while the other half on the saucer, even though I know I only want half a tea spoon.

I like to drop the sugar at the side of the cup to not ruin the coffee foam. (thanks to AK.. haha)

I like to walk alone on the street with my head phones on, pretending not a single soul in this town knows me.

I like coffee, so much I couldnt live without it. but the fact is, just merely a year ago, I hated coffee like the devil.

I like to play the guitar, but can get really frustrated sometime when I failed to play what I want to play.

I like to have a few different groups of friends, so that when I fucked up in one, I can run away to another.

I like... well, I often expect a lot from people around, though I know I shouldn't have, and that they are not obligated to fulfull the expectation.

I like to hate myself sometimes. for every thing I am, and everything that I am yet to become.

I like Jazz, or more, I LOVE Jazz. its my life.

I learned more about myself today. some part ugly, some part not, but they are all me. me me and me.

Single-bastards

I kept getting the wrong feed back about the Canadian and the American. I mean, the incidents and people were real, but the passion, wasnt. was it?

It was being wrote to jot down my encounterment with a girl, the american, as a passerby, and of course, who eventually left my life. Adding in a bit of my imagination, and a bit of writting urge. where else the canadian, was completely unexpected.

that was some imagination huh? well, I guess us, single-bastards have a better idea of how it feels to admire and be admired (without being manipulated by any side). after being single for almost 2 years now, I kinda proved that aye?

候鸟, 五月天

听了他们的歌那么久, 从来没真正去想想他们在唱些什么. 呵呵...


"冰箱上有字条, 桌上有菜
电锅里面有饭, 没有人在
电话里的独白, 还在等待
一个人的表情, 怎么安排."

...


"包厢里的狂欢, 曲终人散
长夜里的空白, 消化不完
灵魂总是要贪, 片刻灿烂
那双唇的孤单, 变得野蛮
那陌生的阳光, 照在床单
昨夜发生的事, 不想再猜
而枕边的人啊, 一直在换
每一次都以为, 到了终站 "

Coffee?

"do you want a coffe? I've just learnt how to make them, I thought now that your coffee girl is not around, you'd need a substitute?"

this time, she's a Canadian.

life ISSS about goodbyes, a bottle of Monteith's, and a cup of coffee huh?

Beach, sun and the bach

I'm just glad everyone enjoyed it.

Fourth chapter

the final chapter.

I couldnt be bother to look at what she wore anymore. shes got an attarctive feature, small pink lips, medium nose, she's even got a small kite shape diamond ear rings hanging on her ears. but the lime light was on her eyes -- her ocean-clear blue eyes. I noticed it when she asked:

" where actually ARE you from?".
"I'm from Malaysia"
"oh... I see..."
"ever been there?"
"neh..."

and thats about everything she'd ever learned about me.

the first few coffees she ever made me, it was abit tasteless, a coffee made out of obligation.
the second last coffee she made me was one of the best coffee I'd ever had.
the last coffee she made me today, was bitter. was it the coffee? or was it me?

she said good bye at 10.30pm. I didn't (couldn't?) say anything more than that too. if I were to go back in time, I miiiiight have said more. stupid me.

again, life goes on. its all about goodbyes... and a bottle of Monteth's black aye?

Adidas Metro Attitude

Yes, I did it. I swiped my National Bank card and bought it today, this afternoon, to reward myself for... whatever reason. I deserve it. for the price of the shoe, it even comes with a name, Adidas Metro Attitude.

cool huh? just dont ask me the price.

Randoms..

Things are worst than I thought huh?

yeah it is, mate.

Third Chapter

she wore a normal black T. black 2/3 pants. with the same marble balls necklace and a black apron. cept today, she's got a pair of casual-round headed-silver-sparkling shoes on. as if an innocent star standing out alone in the deep dark sky.

she made me another one of those flatwhite she proundly claim the best. Today, us holding each a cup of flatwhite after work, we talked for the first time ever. I took a sip of my coffee, it was still a bit bitter. Learned that she is 19, currently travelling around New Zealand. after NZ, she will return to the states for college, studying psychology (AK?). and that... she is leaving this thursday. I took another sip of my coffee. its sweeter this time, with the half tea spoon sugar I scooped in earlier completely dissolved.

I asked her if she is working on wednesday after I down the last cubic of coffee in my cup. delighted that I will see her at least once more, I said goodbye and thank her for the coffee.

I walked home with a smile, yet some where in the curve of my lips, there was the presence of sadness.

Joy "vs" or "&" suffering

"Joy and suffering are as one. why? is it because when you found the former, the latter will follow?"

Split second observation

it was the same Levi's jeans. but this time, black silky-sleeveless top, with a chinese style colar. add on a string of black marble balls hanging on her delicate neck. her hair? speechlessly fabulous.

just as I thought it would all end in a glance, she stopped and said to me: "coffee?". the same smile attached to the edge of her lips. mine too.

Did I?

Did I not let my smile sneak out and play around the edge of my lips when she pass me by?
Did I not felt contented when she did the same?
Did I not panic when she spoke to me in her american slange?
Did I not felt happy when she said "you're awesome!!"?
Did I not felt dissapointed whenever she is not working?

Whats hot?

tight Levi's Jeans. black singlet with lace shoulder strap. blondy hair messily, yet gorgeously tied up.

now thats hot.

Just another day

I guess everything happened on a 'just like any other' day huh? the tsunami, September 11th attack, when Newton found out the existence of gravity, when I broke my thumb...

well, today is one of those 'just like any other (work)day - and then something happened' day.

I had a flippin shitty day at work. spilling over a bucket of moping water was not the worst thing that happened when my chef is in a bad mood. spilling over 8 litre of oil in the store room was. seriously, seriously... it was pretty messed up.

there was about half an inch of oil racing across the surface of the store room. oil flood, literally. (callum, I guess you would say "wowses... ... awesome.").

ah well... shit happens. at least I got a bottle of free beer after work.

Enduring the Pain

"I don't think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it...", Memoirs of A Geisha, Arthur Golden.

The story told might seemed to be just another story to the listener. To the speaker, its as if re-living one of the harshest and most miserable period of his life. Maybe he isn't in a contented state for too long that he is able to look back and see the difference. its like a person fell down a cliff, and was fortunate enough to caught a grip on a root hanging out in the middle of the cliff. after fighting with every last strenght he's got left to climb up, he reached the edge of the cliff. He was almost there, but half his body was still hanging in mid air. Ask him how he manage to climb up now, and he would have fall again.

life is too harsh sometime(s). but people often get through the harshest period of their life without knowing how they managed it. something kept them going. but what?

what kept me going?

If I were to relive it, I might have fall all the way down this time.

擦身而过?

今天无意中看到了她和他的照片.

感觉上只不过看见一个朋友的照片. 但想一想, 才发现,自己在不久的以前曾经是照片里的男主角.呵呵,已变得那么生疏了吗?

Matter of seconds II

"Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho.

something I shared in my "16th of October, 2005" post. I just felt it again.

Drowning in Jazz

(Ak, just as I said that I would post it...)

after four sundays straight being called to work.. I was finally free from my misery. being let off, I went to jazz at Lido. Ladies and Gentleman.. Isaac... is back.

reached a conclusion today. us human beings, find joy in suffering. a few quick examples: we choose to climb a mountain with (freakin) heavy equipments strapped to our body, while we can (conveniently) ride (comfortably) on a helicopter. we choose to shout (at the top of our voice) while chatting, in a jazz pub with (real loud) live jazz band (especially the trumpet.. which I like by the way...=P to AK), while we can actually choose a nice quiet spot to talk (about things that have no significant effect to anything or to anyone in anytime of our lifes).

thats what we did today, (I'm sure you wont find me weird saying this) and we enjoyed it.

I drown myself in Jazz today. voluntarily. (its different from when you're young and when you first started to learn how to swim 20 metres away from the shore and your breathing got messed up and you drown). its pleasurable. trying to catch my breath while humming along with the beat, as if trying to suck in oxygen whenever I succesfully emerge my nose out of the water, fingers tapping on the table or glass, trying to follow the tempo, as if hands struggling to get a grip on something that floats. not like drowing in water, I certainly do not hope to be safe from this joyful tragedy.

nothing compliments jazz better than a good flatwhite (though the best is at Masi cafe!)

after goodbyes, I was walking home (which is like 2 minutes away, which is awesome too), the music was still tangling around me. my mouth, my ear, my mind, my heart. its like you just came out from a smoking room, the smoke penetrates into your clothings and follows you until you change. the jazz was following me alright.

looking forward to next sunday already. =)

St. Patricks Day, John Mayer

"No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day..."

I love you, Mom!

haha.. felt like saying this out of a sudden...

p.s. still waiting for my hacky!!

I love you, Mom!

haha.. felt like saying this in a sudden...

p.s. still waiting for my hacky!!

In Pursuit of hacky awesomeness

made up my mind yesterday night. I went to Seapa Hacky online site and bought me-self a blue/yellow 32 panels footbag. cost me 19 bucks. holy shmoully...

ah well, a first time cost is inevitable in order to achieve the highest rank in "Hackilogy", as Hacky Master.

(7 days before it will arrive at my door step!!)

How Are Things?

Qui Tutto Bene..

finally, something to be excited about!

the grass on Waitangi Park was dancing with the wind. lying on the grass, I felt the firmness of the ground.. yet the grass was waving like the rough surface of the ocean on a windy day. what I saw was a conflicting to what I felt. but it didnt affect me in anyway... haha...

holding Memoirs of a Geisha in my hand, pushing my elbow hard against the ground, I felt the grass constantly tickling me. Boon, Toby and XJ was enjoying the sun while I burried myself in my book. As I was digging my way in, a ring tone and a mere vibration broke my concentration. I was being suck out of the book grave in an instant.

I hold my soap-like phone, push the green button.......... to cut the story short...

...my brother called and told me he and my sister will come visit on the beginning of June! yeah!!!! haha...

A perfect flat white 

hahaha...

happiest day at work!

New Hat!!