I feel empty

numb.. hollow.. unfulfilled.. unsolid.. oblivion.. blank.. desolated.....(pick one..)

since when, I dont know, I'm experiencing this sudden halt on life. its been going on so long I dont even realise the changes. the emptiness is taking advantage of the infinite hours, easing its way into my life, until one day, I would startled from my dream, eyes wide open, trying to catch a glimpse of the reality and grab hold of it. and then I would feel like crying, and yet my eyes would still be as dry as the desert.

and everything changes..

the sun doesnt comes up on its usual route and time. people doesnt have breakfast in the morning, lunch in the afternoon and dinner in the evening. the phone doesnt ring as often, and even when it does, the conversation would be topics no other than work. friends arent friends. enemies arent enemies. reading, drawing, doesnt seemed interesting anymore. and Wellington seems to be no more than a rat cage, with the same people, walking on the same street, day after day after day after day...

worse of all.. I dont really care anymore. I am searching for something (for myself?) but before I found it, I need to know that an indifferent experience exist in some corner of this dimension. I need to know when I tell this to someone, (to anyone!) there are responses which do not merely console, but convince.

I feel empty.