I've had it...

... I need something more to call Home.

Things just doesn't seemed to fit any more, I'm not trying to blame anyone, its nobody's fault. Its just... hard to live like this, not looking forward to going home everyday? you try it...

I pity those who doesn't have a wonderful flating life, like mine.

In search for a new flat

yeap, I am moving again.

Over the pass 4 months in New Zealand, I had been playing a game, a game call 'moving houses'. I rekon I will qualify in guinness's world of records, being the one who move houses the most in 4 months.

Lets recap:

First day in New Zealand, I had been staying in a backpackers called Wildlife, it was a nice backpacker's place, with black and white stripes painted on the out side of the building, best thing - free internet 24/7 (resident only). Worst thing - its 20 bucks a night!!!

The following 2 1/2 weeks, 223(door no.), The Terrace (road), my senior's house, it was a really small house with one double bed room, and one single bed room and a tiny living room. Felt like home when I stayed there, best thing - I had a double room/queen size bed all to myself. Worst thing - having to leave the house...

And then there was, 201, The Terrace, another senior's house, just move down a couple of houses from 223, had to move out because another senior who was staying in the double room (in 223) came back from Malaysia. Stayed there for a week ++, best thing - Get to enjoy sleeping on the sofa for a week - small, but comfortable. Worst thing - the kitchen was so messy.

Currently, staying in 6E/163, The Terrace again, and of course it is again a few houses away from 201, this is the place I called home for the last 3 months til now. BUT NOT FOR LONG. contract ends at 27th of June, and off I go again. best thing - Sky TV(like Astro), free gym, nice kitchen, mini Hifi. Worst thing - I have to share a queen size bed with a dude, don't laugh, coz thats not funny at all.

Looks like the game continues huh. Fun? yeah, its fun alright, try pack and unpack, then pack and unpack again for 4 times, and you'll know the joy in it. My next destination, hm, had have a few alternatives, lets see how it goes...

Need a Rest...

... After three hours sitting here "stuffing my brains up the ass of my essay" (Isaac, 2005) I seriously need some rest.

its 3 am in the morning, I can hear Shaun snoring away under his double layered duvet, envying him, I couldn't bare in mind that I am still a few hundred words short.

Was listening to songs through Shaun's headphone while doing my essay, my hand stopped typing when I heard a very familiar piano playing the verse of a song, a song call "Lonely Christmas". My brain was suddenly being shit out of my essay's ass and again stuffed back up to the assES of a lot of things... ... a lot of memories.

"lonely, lonely christmas, merry, merry christmas..."

Untitled

*Yukie Nishimura, a japanese pianist plays on the mini hi-fi. tempo - adante in 3/4*

Feeling sorrow for the day is gloomy, and as the sad piano plays, I am reading my friends blog. I saw this picture while digging into the world of her inner-self, the first thing I thought was, 'wow, this picture matches the day... and its beauuutiful'.

*a pause in the music, and it resumes...*

Been discussing with some friends (containing both christian and non-christian) about christianity, and the discussion kinda ended up as a debate. I thought of a lot of things during the discussion, but I couldn't seem to find my own stand, put those thoughts into suitable words, and spell it out of my mouth. I was quiet, while the other me in my head was making noises, struggling to scream out while I constraint him.

*a cresendo from piano to forte, the music turned aggressive, and abruptly, a rest. the notes hung on the air for a split second, fade away, and was taken over by a more relaxing melody, back to pianissimo.*

Do not be puzzled. I am clear that I am still not a christian, but people around me are. These people gaves me a sense of direction, a direction of what I want to be (note: not religiously), and what I am going to be, a vision which no other except myself can see, no others can feel.

The famous quote, 'to be or not to be, that is the question', which I don't have the answer to.

*the music ends, waited for 2 long seconds before the third song plays. tempo - adante in 2/2, Yukie continues...*

Lullaby

搖籃曲 曲﹕陶吉吉

"看那紫藍的天 快要消失在一瞬間
無限美景的纏綿 ooh yeah... 我的寶貝也盼著明天

看著 你無邪的臉 這世界還像個樂園
孩子 夢裡笑的甜 ooh yeah... 在我懷裡你可以安眠

影子 是恐龍玩具 你的想像在惡作劇
月光在牆上和你玩遊戲
真假 有時難分清 到銀河邊緣摘星星
你的夢幻冒險我陪你去
別再哭 我就在你身邊 不會讓你有任何危險
緊緊握著你的小手陪你遠離一切的夢魘
為你做什麼我都情願

寶貝 乖乖蓋上被 窗外微風吹 你要學著不怕黑
未來 你要自己面對 生命中的喜悅與傷悲 mmm...

記得我的愛永遠相隨 Good night."

The Best Things in Life

What are the best things in life?

It is amazing that sometimes, someone can constraint him or herself in a confining room, not wanting to make any effort on fixing up his f**ked-up life, and still complains about how unfair the world is, but seriously, have you ever think of what the most important thing in life? when you come to think of it... its every where.

Life is not about having uncountable amount of money, its not about owning chicks with "big-fat-boobs, long-brown-hair" and retarded brains. Its even not about having lots and lots of friends, whats the point of having friends if you don't know how to cherish them, make them apart of your everyday life... genuinely?

What is life?

its about walking down the street in Wellington, holding an affordable 50 cents Mc soft serve ice-cream, enjoying it with your friends whose doing the same thing... sharing thoughts on how cold your hand is... and how fun it is to have ice-cream during the chilling Wellington autumn.

its about standing infront of the stove, trying to figure out what to do with the piece of raw beef, decided to grill it when you don't have a clue how to, but turns out to be a yum (hint: use barbecue sauce, easy as that).

its about having some friends who are willing to sacrifice some of their time merely just to come to your surprise b'day party, wishing you a happy birthday sincerely in person, and some brought home baked cake (Yummy..)--> when you thought your b'day will be a quiet one...

its about having someone to share your thoughts and experience with while they are willing to listen and always ready to give advise.

its about sitting in an old chinese restaurant with beers and dim sum on the table, chating with a friend all night long without any serious business tangling in your crapy brain.

it about getting free sausages and lollies during the orientation of your University, together with a bunch of friends, who are crazy enough to line up 2 to 3 times... each.

its about getting away, with a 14 kg backpack and with someone who appreciates backpacking as you do, and experience the hardship of walking in strangers' land, with not much money in your pocket.

its about lying on a beach with pure-white-soft sand in the evening, the sea breeze touches your face gently, listening to The Phantom of The Opera, looking at the starry night, and meteors dividing the sky ocassionally.

its about your mom and dad sending you to an oversea University to fulfil your dreams of experiencing life in a new environment while they dip themselves completely into their work, merely just to make this possible.

its about waking up one morning to find a genuine testimonial in your friendster, and enjoy the words written by your friends about you.

its about cooking your friends a good meal, see them enjoy it, finally washing the dishes yourself, because you know washing dishes is relaxing, and you can take the time to quiet down to think back some of the things you've gone through.

I can sit here all day doing this, but what I really want to say is, its these small tiny puny things in life which in the end sums up to a life full of unexpected joy.

The best thing in life, my friend, is knowing how to cherish.

Guitars

A picture of me trying out a Gibson guitar, this is like the coolest picture of me ever. My friend, Nic took this picture while I was concentrating (yeah, seriously, I wasn't posing...). Thanks to him, I get to feel good for a sec. haha...

Rainbow

Stunning...

I was lying comfortably on my red sofa, watching the very funny "Simpsons" went suddenly my flatmate went out to the balcony and scream to me, ''RAINBOW!".

''RainbowSs'', I should say. There were TWO of them.

This is by far the biggest, closest, most gorgeous rainbow I had ever seen. Me and my flatmate was squeezing in the balcony, screaming, laughing and taking pictures. Oh yeah, we were insane. But trust me, you'll do the exact things me and my flatmate did if you were here in our shoes.

"You'll still see rainbow even during storm'', Amen...

Superman Vs. Spiderman

What a coincidence?

Was just talking about the awesome Spiderman and the lousy Superman, (if you just join us, please read the previous post). haha...

I just finished my horrible Finance lecture and was walking towards the bus station when I saw the new issue of 'Salient' uni Magazine lying on the free-magazine rack. I've always like to read it. It's a weekly magazine published by a bunch of uni students, who seriously don't have nothing to do and think about, except sitting in the publishing room with bad ventilation system and write about craps. But get one thing straight, its the crap that I liked.

Picked a copy up, feeling excited.

As I flipped through the magazine, this particular page caught my attention. Its about spidy versus tong boy, its like a 'left' and 'right' debate thing, arguing which of these super heroes are cooler, pretty stupid huh? (get the idea what crap is in this mag.? and they dare to known themselves as Salient?) ANYWAY, I read through the whole thing, and I am obviously NOT going to tell you guys the details, its a 3000 words (at least) debate. But, it was pretty interesting though to see how grown ups can still argue like a child over their favorite super hero (but, I'm reading it, that makes me what?) haha...

Who is the coolest then?

tong boy, go home. Spidy, you rooooooooooock.

To Brandon...

I got myself connected to the net that 13th of April morning, again, the usual routines, check my mailboxES, reply them... I saw an email from Friendster, I clicked on my 'Favorites' and click on 'Friendster.com'. Anxiously, I was wondering what this testimonial will be about?

''Well, well, well Somebodys turning 21 in New Zealand, which I believe is one of his passions in life to be out there, in some foreign place, learning and experiencing as much as he can. Well, since I can't buy u dinner on your Bday,I guess I'll write u a testimonial instead. For starters, after knowing this guy for 18 years, since I was only 3, this guy is definitely a fun and outgoing person, not to mention nice to hang out with too. He's also someone that treasures experiences and appreciates the small and often finer things in life and thus makes him an interesting and truly inspiring friend. To keep this short and sweet, I believethat u will be able to accomplish anything as long as u put ur heart and soul into it, and may you be ever ready to greet further challenges in life, as there'll definitely be great things instore for u. As they say, the ABCs of success: Ability, Breaks & Courage. All there is to it...'', by Brandon Chua .

Lets talk a little bit about this guy, Brandon. He is one of those whom I had known for my whole life, he is, no doubt, one of my best friend, no wait... in fact, my Brother. We started playing together since we were 3 in kindergartern, he use to known himself as Superman, and me, the unbeatable Spiderman. *LOL* Those were seriously some great time. We maintain our close relationship till secondary school, we studied in different school, and we lost contact.

It wasn't til a few years ago I regained contact with him, and we started hanging out again, often. We shared everything, when I say everything, I really mean EVERYTHING (you know what they are, Brandon... wink* wink*) haha, sounds dodgy huh? Anyway, he really shares stuff, he taught me a lot of things (Tony Buzan!!! for one...), and for that, I'd really like to thank him. (There is one more thing I'd like to point out, his head is Huge, Darn!! sorry Bran...haha).

My birthday? A quiet relaxing one, but I don't need a huge-grand-splendid celebration, its these kind of small stuffs, like a genuine testimonial that matters most to me.

Hazzy Morning

I let myself down again.

When I woke up, its already 11 o'clock, 'Crap!' was the first word that came out from my mouth. I promised myself that I will wake up earlier the night before, but when my alarm turned on at 9 o'clock, it was like the hailing of hell, Death was right in front of my door step, about to claim away my 'precious'----> SLEEP! the terrible-horrible-petrifying sound was unbearable. No matter how unwilling I am, I used a massive amount of energy to lift my eyelid open, and use my hand to grab the very heavy Nokia phone that seemed to be distance away, but in fact, it was just merely 20 cetimetres away, somehow my disipline was either still sleeping, or gone for a vacation, maybe to Samoa Island (somewhere I really wanna go)... so I though, 'arg... what the heck, just another half an hour won't do no harm...?'

The next time I woke up, my disipline found its way back, and I was waffling all to myself, saying how irresponsible I was towards my own promise to myself, how I let my self down again...

The house was empty. I felt kinda moody.

Whats the 'main idea' (2 words that I often came across lately, due to some course...and some essay) of this blog? none, just felt like writing something in this hazzy morning, this Day...

Har~ har~ waste your 2 minutes to read it! 'crap...'

Farewell and Goonight

''goodnight,

to every little hour that you

sleep tite,

may it hold you through the winter of a

long night

and keep you from the loneliness,

of yourself

heart strung,

is your heart frayed and empty cause it's

hard luck,

when no one understands your love it's

unsung, and i say

goodnight, my love,

to every hour in every day

goodnight, always,

to all that's pure,

thats in your heart

goodnight,

may your dreams be so happy and your

head lite,

with the wishes of a sandman and a

night light

be careful not to let the bedbugs

sleep tight,

nestled in your covers

the sun shines but i don't

a silver rain will wash away

and you can tell, it's just as well

goodnight, my love,

to every hour in every day

goodnight, always

to all that's pure that's in your heart''

Distance...

Distance. What is the defination of far? How far will it have to be?

Try 8000 Km.

What will be hard to go on when there is distance? the big word, with four letters, LOVE.

Had been talking about 'distance love' with my friends 2 weeks ago, but I did not put it in my mind since then, I kinda forgot about the chat after that day, but today as I was walking back from my Uni (after over 6 hours in the library, struggling to get my lousy essay done), the wind was chilling cold, this chat suddenly strucked my head... and since I was all bored of walking all alone, I started to think about the hardship 2 will go through in a distance-relationship...

haha, oh... I got one... got into a fight, wanna sort things out, but the phone lags 2 seconds, how inconvenient is that?

You can't imagie how your creativity will lead you to a facinating tour around your stupidity... haha... well, at least mind did, thought of some really stupid things, but then, these stupid thoughts shorten the distance to home... haha..

8th floor of the LIBRARY

Just felt bored in the Uni library... miss my pictures?

Traffic Lights

I can make the best coffe ever!

Drank 2 cups of coffee at my friends place, both of us were talking since 9.30 pm. When I finished up my 2nd coffee, its already 4 hours later... I washed up the coffee cups, and took off from my friends place.

My friends flat was just a few hundred metres away from where I stay. On the way walking back to my place, guess what I saw? Nothing special...

A traffic light junction.

Ever wonder when there is no traffic on the road, what will the traffic lights do? do they shut down and take a rest? Of course, they DO NOT.Then what right do I have to say that I am tired of studying, I get at least 8 hours of sleep everyday, I can have myself a break after every hour of studying... what right do I have?

The innocent traffic lights, left to wait till the dawn...

Markowitz Theory

'Asset i, CAPM, infinite time period, alpha, rate of return, Markowits theory...'

These were the horrible-annoying stuffs I saw when I flipped through my finance notebook. I glanced at my watch, and it reads '5.35pm', I thought, 'Holly Smoully... I had been sitting here, in the 8th floor of the library for five and a half hours already? reading these craps...?'

Having this thought in my mind, I decided to give my self a break, I streched my body, yawned and looked through the window just beside of me, I felt a sudden quietness in my mind. The clouds were gloomy, from within the library, I couldn't felt the wind, I saw the city below me... motionless, and the sea beyond the city was so calm...

I picked up my pen, not wanting to write something, but wanting to put it back to my pencil case, packed my notes and books, wore my windbreaker and left the building, its like my body was out of control, they were moving themselve. I can't stop them? or did I even tried to stop them?

Whats Markowitz theory at the end of the day?

I'd say, 'F*** Markowitz...'

Dumarsel

What a Dumarsel I am!!

Had been taking up some swedish class with my friend, another swedish friend, who known herself as Dinki, for those who do not know, 'Dumarsel' is DUMB-ASS in english...

Just wanna share something good with you guys, haha...

you DUMARSEL...

Bye-bye America...

Oh I'm so gonna miss America...
(Vivaldi's famous WINTER in FOUR SEASON plays...)

Don't get me wrong, I haven't been to the states lately, it is just that, I will not be going to the states (which I originally had plan to go by the end of June this year) in the near future, well, actually the distance future...

25th of June is an ocassion to remember, it is my beloved elder sister's wedding, in a small town call Macomb, roughly 47 minutes away (by Air) from Chicago. My mom said that she will be willing to cover my airplane ticket from New Zealand to the states and back, is not that she refuse to pay now, its that I refuse to accept it...

Why did I throw away one of my few chances in a lifetime to go to the states?

The answer is 'the root of all evil'

Lets count:
- trip to Aucland's US embassy for an one hour interview (which is a must, can't do it in Wellington) - cost NZD 150 by train which will take me 12 hours to reach there! (But it would be fun, to look around NZ... haha...)

- US VISA - cost NZD 160 (can live with this...)

- Flight Taxes - cost about NZD 250 (Shit!)

- Airplane ticket - Flying with Qantas (return ticket) - cost roughly NZD 3000 (What the F***!)

That consequently adds up to an irritating amount of NZD 3560, if converted back to Malaysian Ringgit (exchange rate - RM 2.7 for NZD 1), RM 9612 (which irritates even more...). Both me and my mom agree that a one-week-trip to the states does not worth RM 10000, but it is I who made the decision to not go... a painful, but relieving decision...

Guess I'll have to wait for my time to come, for now, Bye-bye America...

Friday Afternoon

It is a friday afternoon, I usually get out of my last lecture for the week in friday afternoon with a high spirit, getting ready to party, why? cos it is weekend already!

As usually, I left my last lecture, which was International Business Class, and came to the computer lab, dubbed 'cybercommon' by myUni (cool name ei?), check some emails, reply them if I feel like replying them, but it's different today, the 'high spirit' isn't here with me, it didn't follow me out of the lecture hall... I am sitting here now, completely numbed...

Guess it's like a cycle, sometimes you ride on the top of the curve (which plots 'degree of happiness' againts 'time' on a diagram), sometimes, you just happen to slip right down to the bottom, and when people ask you what's wrong... you suddenly realise that, you have no idea! There is no particular reason for it...

Guess everybody have been through the same situation ei? If someoneask me 'how's life in New Zealand?' this very moment, I would give the standard answer, 'Fine, you?', but if you ask how am I feeling right now, I would say nothing...

why?

somethings, you have to experience it yourself to know why... Maybe, its just a lazy friday afternoon afterall...

Between Strangers

It was 2.20am in the morning, the television was tuned to the Discovery Channel, I kept the TV on although no one was watching it, having a little noise in the house made me felt...somehow easier... Whats tangling in my mind wasn't my assignments or up-coming finance term test, it was - ''fifth week, this is already my fifth week in New Zealand, has it been five weeks already?''

Walking between strangers in a stranger's land is a very refreshing experience, my life has step into a new chapter as I took my first step onto this Land of Long Cloud, and as every forward step I took, made this land less strange to me... My time here, isn't what I had expected it to be, but still, I trust that there is a 'joy' in everything, right? have hope, have faith! and my friend, you too!

My final year isn't going to be easy, I know that clearly in my head, just like my Swedish friend, Robert said, ''there is no such thing as holiday in University...'' true ei? I refuse to believe this fact, I am not a supernatural human being with a body which never sleep nor rest, or an alien with an ultimate-huge-enormous-extra-large brain, capable of learning everything... I am just a typical teenager, who wants to have fun while he still can!