Lost souls

what use to be the blooming spot of a thousand tulips, is now a graveyard of a thousand lost souls.

dont be naive, somethings arent beautiful all the time.

Broken Thumb

I was able to learn how to snow board in one day, learn knitting on the other...

... but now, I even struggled to squeeze my facial forms out of its tube, its painful. mentally.

Matter of Seconds

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side... And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons, no distant music, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?

Life moves very fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho.

Emptiness

Lyall Bay, Oct 14, 2005

Gravity, Me and You

Lyall Bay, her, her, her, and the blue sky.

Just as

and so... I looked at the time, 12.03am.

made up my mind that I should leave the party, immediatly, the thought of me being alone on the dark, long and winding road surface in my mind, unpleasant, but unavoidable. Just as I stood up to grab my down jacket, I heard EW saying that he wanted to go too. having making clear that he was going the same way, I thought, "finally, someone to walk with me, not all the way, but at least a person to leave with me...".

said good byes to birthday boy and girl, left as if I dont care, but deep down, there was a few million reasons I want to stay, but only one, not to. in no time, we reached a junction where we have to split up, said good bye, and we both turn away.

just as I thought I am going to be alone again, I heard someone called my name, looked back, it was AK and JP. my flatties. of course, my following journey back home was accompanied by a few conversations, some constructive, some not. but I love them all.

Back to the 70's

Callalily

the beautiful side of the world.

'DayDream'ing

Something to share

after the The Time Traveller's Wife, I took a break on reading, why? read it and you'll know.

I've started reading another book lately, its Paulo Coelho's The Devil and Miss Prym. Read something I thought I might wanna share with everyone:

"The world is full of them (promises): promises of the riches, of eternal salvation, of infinite love. Some people think they can promise anything,others accept whatever seems to guarantee better days ahead... Those who make promises they don't keep end up powerless and frustrated, and exactly the same fate awaits those who believe those promises."

true huh?

well...

at least the cloud has cleared and the full moon is shining, torching the real side of everything.

frustration, hatred, sadness, dissapointment, expectation, anger, and fear. fuck off.

A temper of a cheft

My heart was pounding faster than usual, pumping fresh new blood throughout my body, my mouth was taking in fast-strong-and-deep breath, my legs were running weightlessly downhill, my arms bent into L shapes, swinging back and forth by the sides. Wondering how late I was, I paused my left arm infront of my chest, as usual, to look at my red-Swatch, while my legs remained in their cyclical movement. I sweared because it was empty, my watch was not on my wrist, its was lying in the drawer of my table back home.

Supressing my curiosity on the time, I ran until I reached my work place.

I was having a hardtime earlier that day, well... actually... been having some hardtimes lately. I wasnt feeling good, in fact, I was moody. I slowed down abruptly as I enter the restaurant, trying to walk like a normal people, while actually, I was breathing in with an enormous amount of energy, trying to expand my nosles to its limit and suck empty the air in the restaurant. I saw Errol, said hi and looked away, saw Hayley, said hi and she looked away, I didnt. she was gorgeous. Finally, moment of truth, I saw Lee, the cheft, he did not look pissed. I was relieved.

I pulled out my dark green apron, and started my routine.

It all went well at first, everyone was busy. Garlic bread, calamari entre, beef lasagna, chicken rissoto, seafood velvet, scotch fillet... after a few tables, the cheft suddenly screamed. It wasnt a scream of fear, neither was it a scream of excitement, rather, it was a scream of anger, of hate, of frustration. He forgot about the fish-of-the-day-with-mango-salsa in the oven. it was over cooked. Out of frustration, he said "ah... fuck it..." and ordered me to serve it anyway. the fish sat under the heat-lights, waited for roughly 5 minutes before Hayley came and pick it up for the customers. As she was walking away, the cheft suddenly decide that he will make another one. he was mad.

it all went wrong after that.

the cheft was showing his temper, yelling at everyone in the kitchen, including me. I got angry when he yelled at me. I thought it wasnt fair for him to express his anger on us when he himself did something wrong. My heart was in one hand, filled with discontentment, on the other hand, fear. "I pulled my apron off and walked out", but for money's sake, it was all just in my imagination. everyone kept quiet until the end.

that night, as I crawled into my duvet, I started to think, as a person who can get really moody sometimes, I understand his feeling at that very moment, that very split second, when he wants to burst and fuck everyone up, but more importantly, I realised the feeling, of people around the cheft. moreover, people around me.

the monster inside me...

'or' and 'ee'

we all know how in a franchising deal, there is always 2 parties, one the franchis'or', and one the franchis'ee', right?

that day, me and my friends were discussing what else can the 'or' and 'ee' be used on, and SY had the cutest idea ever. according to her explaination:

"refrigerator is providing us with a cold space for storing food, so us as people who store food should be called refrigeratee..."

A bottle of beer for a massage?

after 8 hours of work,

I'd say its worth every drop. every drop.

An Ocean of Tulips

Sign of Spring covering up Autumn with its wild colours.

And so,

here I am, finally.

oh no no...its not over yet, not quite. Here is an update for those who really care.

I've just pass up a 80 pages, yes, I will say it again, 80 pages group marketing assignment today, and its not a joke. its really hard to work in teams when the assignment is so... freakin... huge in size and when everyone's writing style is so... freakin... different, but our group has proved it possible to overcome these hinders. we rock!!

so, 1 down, 2 more to go, a finance essay which I have to choose a topic of my own, and international business with a 30 pages case to be analysed. worst thing of all, it both due on the same day, next friday. next friday? shit.

After next friday, there goes the thing every boy and girl in their schooling period hate and fear the most. examination.

again, may God have mercy on my soul.

Eventually,

I will update my blog.

as the semester creeps toward the end, assignments due date and exams date are crashing into me so fast I dont have time to shit peacefully. so bare with me for the moment ok?

peace out!

My Nike

After 2 years being worn under my feet, the bottoms of the shoes are falling out, its not quite the color 'white' anymore, as the mud cruelly cover up its pure innocent body. there are signs of the shoelace being bitten violently by teeth, probably a dog's teeth. the blue NIKE logo beside is slowly turning yellow because of the dynamic changes in weather. rain poured on them, the sun shone mercilessly on them, the crazy wind blew on them, oh how much you have been through, my dear dear NIKE?

I went backpacking over 2000 Km, I wore you, rock climbing, I wore you, out for movie and dinner, I wore you, travel all the way to NZ, I wore you... play paint-ball, basking, karaeoke, play hacky, going to a snow mountain, walked to the beach and back, having coffee at a jazz pub, I wore you... you are versatile, you are ultimate, you are beautiful...

I would like to pay tribute to you...

Fix you

by, Coldplay

A lesson to remember

found out something lately.

was talking to one of my college mate a few days before, she abruptly switch the conversation from 'how have you been?' to 'tell you something, but dont get mad after you hear it..'

'what?' I said with much anxiety.

'your ex-gf just broke up with her boyfriend'.

'.....'

'are you alright?' she replied after a few ten seconds of hesitation, because I didnt write anything more than that.

'what makes you think that, after more than one year, I still care about that?' this is more of a question to myself than to her.

'just felt like you should know..' in guilt she said.

'well, I don't really care'. I lied.

My mind got mess up right after the conversation. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying this cause I havent get over her, I am saying this to proof that, a pass relationship can have such deep impact on someone, even after over a year, that its impossible to not remember things that had already happened, things that had slowly transformed from memories... to lessons.

haha, beauty of love, incomprehensible.

TTTsW

The Time Traveller's Wife

I was bathing myself in the sun, with TTTsW in my hands, sitting on the red couch near to the glass wall in Rutherford House (one of my Uni's campus). infront of me, people strolling, some with a backpack, and thick books, some with a dog, sunglasses and jogging wears, some in suits, leather shoes. vehicle, heavy, light speeding across. the sky was clear with a only a few patches of clouds hanging in the middle of the light blue. its slowly floating from the west to east side of the sky. its like a huge moving 3D drawings. but I wasnt appreciating it.

A couple walked up to the couch behind me, it was yellow. sat down, and started to chat aloud. Shaun came, touch me with his finger on my shoulder, notifying me about his arrival, and quickly pointing to the direction of the toilet, I dipped my head slightly to show 'ok, I'll sit here and wait'. The sun continued to shine, I continued to submerge myself in the book I was holding.

I was my last 50 pages, Henry was dying in the book, and I dont feel like reading anymore.

but I couldnt stop.

if you are reading this post, and you havent read the book. read it, trust me. read it.

2005.08.27--- Shaun's

happy 21st, bro...

Mount. Rhupehu

Daniel and me.

went to a ski trip on 13 - 15 August, to Mount. Rhupehu. this is one of the very very few pictures of me taken in all white. thats why it is precious. haha...

the trip?

it was AWESOME, first time seeing snow, first time snow boarding, I'd say its as awesome as the most awesome thing you have ever did, times it by 100, and thats how awesome I felt.

was planning on writing a very thorough post of my experience with the snow, but it was too awesome that I am afraid I cant express it with just a mere few thousand words, and that I would be disappointed . so... Ive decided to not write much about it, let there be space for imagination.

peace out.

Sudden Distance

to everything. everyone.

What then?

It was a little over twelve midnight last saturday when I met AK, Esther and Johnny in front of Shooters after work. It wasn't until I was in front of the bar that I figured I didnt brought my passport (you need to show some identification to proof that you are 18 and above, and only a 18+ card, or passport or drivers license will do...). I wasnt really dissapointed, coz didnt really felt like clubbing anyway, just felt like beer, but that wasnt a problem either, coz I was holding a plastic bag with a take-away chicken fettucini pasta (for AK) and a bottle of Corona (which I accidentally slipped it into my plastic bag before I leave the kitchen... you get what I mean...). Ended up sitting in Reading Cinema (cinema with footcourt below) with Johnny and met Grace who was waiting for her friends to go to a korean karaoke lounge in Reading too.

Her friends came, we were invited to join, so we walked together.

The street was filled with pointless people, some in crowds, some couples, some drunken, some act as if they were drunk, heavy beats from disco drifting along the street, taxis flooded the road, uninquisitive asian working in 24 hours convenient stores, girls showing off with as least cloth on their body as possible although it was a fairly cold night, old man holding an electric guitar, sitting on an amp., busking... which gave me an idea, why dont I busk too?

I told Johnny about my idea, and he was excited. as always.

We reached manners mall, I took off my deep blue water-proof-wind-proof jacket, spread it on the floor, us, wearing only T-shirts and jeans, started to ask for request from passer-by. I was amazed by how different peoples feeback was:

A couple from Switzerland kiss in front of us while I sang Your Song by Elton, and gave use a dollar gold coin.

A guy kept on saying he cant take it any more because we were too good (he was lying... he was suffering actually), he kept on grabing his hair, pulling them, acted as if he's gone crazy; but he gave us a gold coin anyway.

A girl with very short hair ( and I mean real short... almost bald...), she was singing along with us, if I remembered correctly, it was Billy Jeans, by Michael. She tried offering us her guitar pick, but we didnt want it, she ended up giving us a hug.

Some mature guy (in their forthies, I think), aging and desperate, threw a few coins to us and at us, saying rudely:"hey, you've got the coins, now sing, shut up and sing..." wasnt pleasant, but we were professional, we sang until they left, I head them said "crap" as they went...

A cute old couple came, didnt request for a song, but still gave us a gold coin, the lady told us, well, more of giving us order that we shouldnt buy drugs with it... Johnny say to me:"ok where should we get the drugs now.." out loud, the lady turned back and said:"I said NO DRUGS!", it was funny...

Met a few kids who can beatbox very well, gave us not money, but two candy bars, which one of them is my favorite, Sneakers... argrggrrgrrggrg...

A girl request for a Beatles song, and was suprise I know it, it was Love Me Do, by the Beatles. She drop a few coins and left dancing. The dance was awful.

A girl pull out a five dollar bill even though we didnt know the song she requested. she was awesome.

then there was three girls who took a photo of us with on of their phone, should have ask them to send it to me, as a proof.. haha...

there were more...

for one and a half hour, we stood there, of all the people who came by, some left saying that we were full of craps, a majority of them left with a twist of happiness dangling on the edge of their lips. they smiled, they laughed.

We earn a little less than 20 dollars all together, that was a lot for singing craps down town. Went to a jazz pub the following day, had a flat white, my usual, and a bowl of chips with live jazz. I wouldnt say I earn 20 bucks if you ask me, what then?

I earn a nice cup of coffee, a bowl of chips with dip, a few laughs, a few cheered hearts, a few hand shakes, and a hug.

JAZZ

from left: trumpet, fugelhorn, double bass, amp, and the guitar. together: their JAZZ.

Simplicity

A lamb loin, a glass of wine.

The butterfly effect

Went to the blog I accidentally bumped into a few weeks ago after my previous post, (TT still dreaming hard), which I read quite often lately.

todays post was about the blog moving to elsewhere, and that that will be the last post.

was kind of suprise.

its amazing that such small decision made by a person, to move the blog elsewhere, can affect someone who is not in anyway related to his or her life, someone like me. Bet the writter didn't thought that someone half a globe away from him or her would be suprise of the moving-elsewhere-blog huh...

which made me thought of the butterfly effect - even the flap of a butterfly's wings could change the entire course of time.

p/s: sinyee, no... not because of the day-of-the-week 'EFFECT'

Decision

Went out with 7+ of them to reading cinema for a movie, it was good, not in the sense of its story line, but it was entertaining, actions and special effects bla bla bla, it matches the demand of the mass audience, us. Texted AK after the movie, but without any anticipation on a reply, it was more of a 'give it a shot' thing, aiming the mere chances that she might be up, and was able to leave the door open for me... after 2 hours 13 minutes and 10 seconds, I am still waiting for her reply... haha... fat chance...

some how ended up in TT's room, in front of her very-slow Presario 2200 Compaq. The night is deep, TT dreaming hard beneath her duvet behind me, about her boss calling early in the morning telling her that she dont have to go to her early shift, and that she would climb back into her bed, and sleep until the end of time... haha, dream on... while she works tomorrow morning, I will be the one realising her dreams...

15 minutes later...

trying to figure out what I should write about, instead of thinking what I want to write, I am thinking of someting else...

I've decided on something, yes... I've decided.

Trinity

Found this on the wall beside the flight of stairs from my house up... to some... road... forgot the name of the road... anyway, haha...

The Matrix: Re-cycled

Ha! didn't know I can do this do you...

MONTEITH's BLACK

Beer it is...

Has been really crazy lately, been spending too many hours in the library since three weeks ago. Guess from my previous posts, its obvious that I had been through some hardshi't' huh... three assignments due on the same day? there is nothing funny about it if you ask me.

after 9 weekly assignments, 3 heavily assess assignments, 2-days-per week work, and very few days to sleep well, the most compensating thing is in fact no more than a bottle of beer - Monteith's. but one thing is good about it for sure though, its free. bahahahahahahahahahahaha...

cheers, to free beers. and that I am free, well, at least for now.

98%

98% done...

2 % to go... so hang on, Zi Xiang(Isaac)!!

Ironic

"it's like ten thousand spoons, but all you need is a knife..."
By, Alanis Morisette

Wondering...

I know I know, you're probably sick of looking at my picture everytime you visit my blog, and feel like vomiting, to save the food you just ate, I'll just post something and take the picture of the last post.

A question: if you were given the power to choose 2 days of normal days, or 1v ery happy but conversely 1 very sad day, which one would you choose?

I won't share my answer with you guys, coz, it would take a few thousand words to answer it, or maybe coz my english isn't good enough to explain such thing, or rather, you won't understand my explaination.

but I'd pretty much like to listen to your answer. no matter if you are just someone wondering between blogs, or my friends.

p/s: by the way, if you are a usual, you'll notice the title of my blog had change, no more gravity crap, and don't worry, I am not suffering from any abnormal psychology, just felt like changing it, and AK inspired me.

Hm...

Airplane ticket --> RM 3,700, T - Shirt --> RM 29.90, Earphone --> RM 99, Hair cut --> FREE

Day-of-the-week effect

what is this you asked?

Been given an assignment lately, the question is amazingly short, but not unexpected. the question is "discuss the day-of-the-week effect", and guess what, I have to write 1000 word with it.

sounds easy, just get your butt into the computer lab, go to yahoo, search for a few informations and *kaboom*, you're done, its just 1000 word afterall? No. No. day-of-the-week is a theory developed by some guy call Cross a few decades ago, and this has been one of the most controversial topics in the world of finance, and there is loads and loads of arguements regarding it. too much in fact.

do you know what's the worst part? apparently, my finance lecturer, a Dr., has wrote a few reports on this theory. and I have to impress him with mine.

shit.

Help

Just couldn't think anymore!! My brain is suffering from 99% brain damage!

help...

Cold night

its a cold night, probably one of the coldest since I've been here.

have you ever been through some tought times where you feel like telling someone something, but you couldn't? no particular reason. and its not like you are trying to tell someone that you are gay(I'm not, just an example...) or that you just killed his or her favorite pet. you just couldn't. the words are somehow stucked somewhere down your throat, can't swollow it, coz its half way out, can't throw it out, coz its still half way down.

''how was your day?''...

the night is really cold. wear an extra jacket. would you?

Ain't it?

What made my day?

2 cups of flat white, 2 cups of cappuccino sitting on a wooden table. Candle light in the middle, and a live jazz band.

its that simple.

this is one of those days where you walk on the quiet road at night and say to the person beside you :''beautiful day, ain't it?"

This thing call life

Another exciting saturday.

I was suppose to wake up early in the morning and should be swimming in the warmed pool like a blue whale. Unfortunately, this blue whale is a lazy one. I slept til 11, and still did not felt like getting up. People walking around me, listening to musics, jumping around, having brunch, kick starting with their productive day (hint: I am currently sleeping in the lounge), and me, in the midst of all those activities, were still tucked under my duvet, my hands occasionally extending out of my duvet just to reach my annoying phone to off the alarm, set to snore. This is not a case about will and determination. Its just sometimes hard, its not that you don't have a strong detemination, but, your body just kinda do all the talking, and not you. yeah, yeah, I know, I'm just giving excuse to my own laziness. But I am proud of it, at least I don't act macho, when I know I am really tired and I wouldnt have enjoy my time in the pool, all exhausted. More Excuses.

But eventually, the blue whale gets up, and decided to skip swimming, and go straight to rock climbing with Carmen. Of course, not without having some food in my stomach first. Did try to pull AK up from getting her butt stucked to the sofa, and go join me for some rock climbing. or come on... at least a walk? That lazy bump. Which kinda projects to a result of me going to rock climbing with Carmen only, and her butt still stuckedon the sofa. or somewhere around the house.

Rock climbing was awesome, today was my first time, and I was hardout. well, at first. a piece of advise for people who are going for rock climbing in the future, don't relly too much on your hand, use both legs and hands, or you'll end up like me. Hands shaking til now, after 12 hours. but it was seriously fun. Definately something worth doing when you feel like procrastinating. lol.

Went working right after rock climbing with Carmen and Belinda. Was really afraid that I might break something while working for my hands were out of control. turns out alright though. But the night was busy. I just don't know what were those customers thinking, its a windy night, raining, cold. it wasnt a perfect day to come out for an italian meal. its like a busiest day ever. ever.

After working for 6 and a half hour, I walked home. Took me 35 minutes to walk up hill and down hill before I reached glenmore. I was suppose to be happy. well, at least I dont have nothing to be sad about. Instead, I was all numb. Not suprisingly. I actually quite often see myself like this. Thinking about something which no one ever practically gives a shit about. But one minute, I was walking back home, alone, on the long and winding road, the next minute, I was dancing in my flat with Johnny, over my favorite ABBA song, called Dancing Queen, and another minute, me and Dan silent-pirated Johnny. *time out: what is silent pirate? its just this game me and my flatmates play, where the one getting silent pirated will have to be sleeping at the moment, and the other two guys will have to run up to him, jumping on this bed with full pace, screaming 'silent pirate'(real loud) at the same time, and then try to grab his nipples or just tickle him. * thats some game huh? wink wink* lol. Dynamic is it. This thing call life?

yeah, it is. I guess, thats the point of keeping the story goes.

Today

*went to school at 12 noon, finished 2 hours of boring finance lecture, listened to a couple of chinese presenting their idea in some random topics related to finance, with bad accent. Bad bad accent.

*happy to have survived the class, waited YS, SY, and HH at Rutherford house, hoping that they might be able to give me a sense of direction of what to do. The usual. Home.

*not willing to give up the day just like that, went to Wellington city library, got a few cds, which I'm pretty happy about, got Tchaichovsky, 2 Rachmaninov, and a famous chinese erhu concerto, called The Butterfly Lovers (Liang2 Zhu4 in chinese). haha, Ripping them off!

*it was raining while I was walking home, but the little drops of tears from heaven didn't bother me, coz I was holding AK's cd walkman, listening to Tchaikovsky's piano concerto no. 1. Beautiful.

Chin up

I was walking home the other night after 7 long hours working in the kitchen of Lacasa Pasta. Had my Sony neckphone on, listened to the musics in my mp3 player. At a point I started to realized that I had been walking with my eyes constantly looking at my shadow on the floor, as I look up, the road which I had walked for almost a week now, suddenly seemed so different. It seemed like I am in some place...new.

So, my friends... stand straight, chin up, and the world will look different.

Back to New Zealand

The wing which brought me back.

And the flatting adventure goes on, moved into my new flat and will be expected to stay here for the next 7 or 8 months until next summer. Its on Glenmore street, which is like the furthest place to city centre in wellington (just exaggerating... obviously). But seriously, its far away, have to walk at least a good 30 minutes to get to town, but so far, I have enjoyed the walk. Its good to still have time after classes or after loads and loads of assignments, to clear your mind, and think of something else, during the long walk.

Johnny, Dan, Anna, Esther, Green... Looking forward to what will happen in this flat aye... haha..

Back to school... been having some hard time (not as hard as I thought it would be though) catching up with my classes, since I did not come back until the end of the second week of school. still, its good to be back, its good, its good... its goooooooooood... (if you saw Bruce Almighty before, then you'll know).

Its a sunday noon, the sun is shining, leaves gently dancing on the edge of the tree branches along the slow breeze, and I am in the lounge, listening to Coldplay. Its gonna be a beautiful day, don't wanna stay home wasting it. So til then, peace out!

Daniel

I was with him until his last breath.

It was a sunday morning, I had a stomach ache the night before and did not have much sleep. The clock was showing 07.00 when I couldn't stand the pain and decided to leave the bed for a cup of warm water. Just as I was standing up, I heard the door bell ringing, it sounded desparate. the first thing that came into my mind was, "who could it be? couldn't be my family as they were all on the flight coming back to Malaysia, couldn't be my friends, they dont come knocking on my door that early in the morning...". Curious, I went down the stairs, half bending to ease the pain in my stomach and look through the window just beside the wooden door. What I saw, will forever be imprinted in my head.

That scene reminded me of the death of my first dog, Blacky. It was roughly 10 years ago when Blacky left us, and now, Daniel, lying on the exact same spot as Blackly once did. Deja vu.

Turns out that the one pressing my door bell was my neighbour's maid, trying to wake me up when she saw my dog. I didn't went out to him once I saw him lying there. I was too afraid, not because of death, but because I couldn't bare to see Daniel who was with us for more than 11 years, like that. He was suffering... ... so did I.

His breath was slow and heavy when I finally walk up to him, and I regret now that I did not do that earlier. I stroked him under his neck, Daniel's favorite spot, and called his name repeatedly. I hesitated on bringing Daniel to the vet, but eventually decided to give it a shot.

He died under my arms at 12.17pm, 3th of july.

**********In memory of Daniel, my beloved dog**********

Touch Down

A txt in Auckland.

"Its a smooth touch dwn on auck, a sunny day, chillin breeze, clear blue sky, cloudless. still easy 2 spot d moon hanging in mid air, though its alrdy late morning. ppl towering over me, its overwhelming to c such fast pace scene after hiding for 6 mths in d suburb if welly. thought of a song suddenly, it goes "im leavin, on a jetplane, dun knw when i'll b bak again..."" 9.35 am, Jun 26th, 2005.

June, 25 2005

Missing a once in a life time ocassion. Sucks.

My whole family except me, is currently in Macomb, somewhere south of Chicago, almost half a globe away from New Zealand, from me. Its my beloved elder sister's wedding. And I am here, in the middle of the windy autumn, missing all the excitements over there. Thats not just it. Missed the trip up north to Rotorua with my gang, just sent them off to the road. Its silly. We all know that we will see each other in a mere two weeks time, its just that we have been through so much, in fact, too much together, that we will still miss each other although its just two weeks.

Disappointed.

In in the midst of all these disppointment, there is still a sense of excitement. I am only roughly 22 hours away from boarding my Air New Zealand flight back to Malaysia. F**k the lousy services, F**k the turbulence, F**k the terrorists, F**k the jet lag, I am going Home. Will be waiting there for my family to come back, and then, the big dinner. Must be hot in Malaysia aye?

Looking out the window, its quiet on The Terrace. My last night staying here, on this road, again, life goesss on...

Until Now...

... everything is going on just fine.

Finished my hell-like-exams, found a new flat, which I am really excited about moving in to, having thought that I will be flating with a bunch of 'fine fine' people, it is almost expected that something absurd is going to happened, something funny, something I look forward to very much. Finally, a whole new chapter in my New Zealand flating life, as I discussed with AK(talking about AK, haven't heard from her lately aye..) that I shouldn't put too much expectation on it, but I am sure, it will still be way better than my previous flating experience. way better.

Spent a couple of days in New Plymouth right after the exams. Dan texted me the day I finished my exams, and invited me to this road trip up north, I accepted the exclusive invitation without any hesitation. The next thing I know, I was in Greg's Audi the next morning, starting off to a six hour drive journey towards our destination. It wasn't some luxurious trip, neither was an experience-full trip, it was just a couple of day away, simple, relax kinda trip. It was awesome. We even stole Green's Korean flag and took some really 'inspiring' pictures. yeah, when I say inspiring, you know it isn't really something inspiring, rather something, amusingly ridiculous.

YY came up from Dunedin and gave me a four days 3 nights visit in Welly, was (and still is) really happy she came. Again, did not do anything fancy, just showed her around town, uni, took heaps and heaps of pictures with her Canon IXUS, and talked a lot bout stuffs, and stuffs n stuffs. Yeah, didn't want her to leave, but ah well, life goes on, lifeee goesss onnn...

And, by the end of this week, I will be flying back to Malaysia, enjoy my two weeks time away from New Zealand, leaving the cool autumn breeze, back to the warm hell hole. one word. Excited.

til then, peace out!

Poor Spidy

A pretty absurd picture huh? from the left: Dan, Korean flag, Spidy Dolly, and Me.

Yen Yi and Me

YY's visit to Wellington. Brought her to the water front at night, behind us was the ocean. it was quiet that night, unusually not windy.

Closing to an end

For three plus weeks I had been living the life of a nerd, studying at least five to six hours a day in the library, going through the same thing over and over again. Am I done with my studies, since I had been flippin the notebook back and forth for a few times already?

Hell NO.

Yeah, you guessed it, its finance, finance again. Of the pass three weeks of exams period, my exams have to be on the last two days. Its kind of unsettling when you come to think that your friends finished their test before you even started yours.

In three more days, everything will come to an end, the grand finale for this semester. I can already imagine myself on the plane, burden-free, flying back to Malaysia, as the background music plays Bubble, 'Come fly with me, lets fly lets fly away...' hmmmm... relaxing...

til then, what ever religion you are, pray to your Gods for me, ok?

Quartet

Us: Me(Stupidest smile ever), Sin Yee(in purple, looks like a mom), Shaun(Finger on his mouth, wtf!!), Grace(Big face girl...), and Oreo Cheese Cake(in he middle, with such adorable loves on it.).

Oreo Cheese

Damn I am good in baking...

I know, I know, had been posting more pictures than my own words, my wisdom. But these, these are the things that I really like to share with you guys. My second cheese cake in New Zealand, it was a success! Made it will a bunch of well-skilled people, Shaun(Oreo Smasher), Sin Yee(Egg Contributor), Grace(Co-ordinator), and of course me(Mixer).

Highlights: The love shape made with Oreo, Sin Yee's idea.

Lemon in Flavor

Hard out in baking cheese cake lately. This is the first cheese cake I baked in New Zealand, its lemon in flavor. Turned out to be to thin, but it was a Yum!! If you guys are fortunate, you guys will have a chance to taste it! Next mission, Cinnamon Rolls... arrrggg...

Uni Life

After spending too much time in the libary, people get bored, and this is what Uni students do. (hint: Look at the Ipod on the table, it will belongs to me sooner or later!! hahaha!!)

Empty

My Mind. or was it too full.

Was talking in MSN with Anna yesterday night, we both noticed that we haven't been contributing a lot to our blog lately, and here I am, Anna, trying to share something which I don't really know where to begin.

Lets just begin with my mood lately, down? happy? hm, don't really know, lets just start again. Been really busy? no, have heaps of spare time hiding myself in my bed, or got my eyes stucked on the television, while instead, I should be in the library for longer hour than I was a few days before. Ok, I know, I am talking craps, lets begin again... ... ... arg, I give up.

Things had been really complicated lately, chaotic incidences happening one after another. Just like what I told Anna, was it my mind was really empty, not having anything to write about? or maybe it was that my mind was too full, too much crap stucked in my head, and I do not know where to begin.What was it that was so chaotic? Hm, when I come to think of it, I think its me, myself. Been spending too much time by myself. Me, me, me and my imagination.

"Hm, don't get what I mean? don't worry, you, and a lot of people, don't really understand it..."

Flat White

Smooth sweetness-just-nice Flat White, with heart shape foam. My first coffee in one of my Uni's Cafe, with Shaun Y. S. Wong and Robert Knezevic (Swedish).

Also one of the best I have ever had.

A day like TODAY

TODAY, everything just seemed wrong.

Made my friends mad because I overslept and was late for a meeting, broke the coffee cattle and spilt coffee all over the freakin carpet, flatting problems, heaps of studies to attend to, and still, I have to work tonight, washing dishes for 4 hours.

And only half the day has passed, what next?

Procrastination

Didn't know what to do, Anna, yeah, I am doing it too right now, after you... I am procrastinating. Told myself that I feel like writing my blog when I do not have anything to write about, and while I have heaps of other stuffs to attend to.

Dinki, is that your idea of procrastination?

I know... I suck, big time.

Sucks!

What? Air New Zealand of couse!

Went to Air New Zealand today, wanted to change my flight date from 30th of Sept to 26th of June. Waited until my turn, the lady actually got up and said to me, she will go off for a minute. Guess what, a minute for her was half an hour for me. I actually felt asleep infront of the counter. Did she went to shit? for a coffee? or to give birth to a child? I don't give a shit...

anyway, had confirmed my flight date, the following is my itinerary:

All in one day - 26th of June -

08.30 am - Depart from Wellington to Auckland (NZ time)
09.30 am - Arrive in Auckland (NZ time)

11.30 am - Depart from Auckland to Singapore (NZ time)
06.40 pm - Arrive in Singapore (MY time)

09.20 pm - Depart from Singapore to K.L. (MY time)
10.15 pm - Arrive in K.L. (MY time)

11.00 pm - Home, watching TV! wicked! (MY time)

p/s: if you have a choice, DO NOT choose Air New Zealand!

I've had it...

... I need something more to call Home.

Things just doesn't seemed to fit any more, I'm not trying to blame anyone, its nobody's fault. Its just... hard to live like this, not looking forward to going home everyday? you try it...

I pity those who doesn't have a wonderful flating life, like mine.

In search for a new flat

yeap, I am moving again.

Over the pass 4 months in New Zealand, I had been playing a game, a game call 'moving houses'. I rekon I will qualify in guinness's world of records, being the one who move houses the most in 4 months.

Lets recap:

First day in New Zealand, I had been staying in a backpackers called Wildlife, it was a nice backpacker's place, with black and white stripes painted on the out side of the building, best thing - free internet 24/7 (resident only). Worst thing - its 20 bucks a night!!!

The following 2 1/2 weeks, 223(door no.), The Terrace (road), my senior's house, it was a really small house with one double bed room, and one single bed room and a tiny living room. Felt like home when I stayed there, best thing - I had a double room/queen size bed all to myself. Worst thing - having to leave the house...

And then there was, 201, The Terrace, another senior's house, just move down a couple of houses from 223, had to move out because another senior who was staying in the double room (in 223) came back from Malaysia. Stayed there for a week ++, best thing - Get to enjoy sleeping on the sofa for a week - small, but comfortable. Worst thing - the kitchen was so messy.

Currently, staying in 6E/163, The Terrace again, and of course it is again a few houses away from 201, this is the place I called home for the last 3 months til now. BUT NOT FOR LONG. contract ends at 27th of June, and off I go again. best thing - Sky TV(like Astro), free gym, nice kitchen, mini Hifi. Worst thing - I have to share a queen size bed with a dude, don't laugh, coz thats not funny at all.

Looks like the game continues huh. Fun? yeah, its fun alright, try pack and unpack, then pack and unpack again for 4 times, and you'll know the joy in it. My next destination, hm, had have a few alternatives, lets see how it goes...

Need a Rest...

... After three hours sitting here "stuffing my brains up the ass of my essay" (Isaac, 2005) I seriously need some rest.

its 3 am in the morning, I can hear Shaun snoring away under his double layered duvet, envying him, I couldn't bare in mind that I am still a few hundred words short.

Was listening to songs through Shaun's headphone while doing my essay, my hand stopped typing when I heard a very familiar piano playing the verse of a song, a song call "Lonely Christmas". My brain was suddenly being shit out of my essay's ass and again stuffed back up to the assES of a lot of things... ... a lot of memories.

"lonely, lonely christmas, merry, merry christmas..."

Untitled

*Yukie Nishimura, a japanese pianist plays on the mini hi-fi. tempo - adante in 3/4*

Feeling sorrow for the day is gloomy, and as the sad piano plays, I am reading my friends blog. I saw this picture while digging into the world of her inner-self, the first thing I thought was, 'wow, this picture matches the day... and its beauuutiful'.

*a pause in the music, and it resumes...*

Been discussing with some friends (containing both christian and non-christian) about christianity, and the discussion kinda ended up as a debate. I thought of a lot of things during the discussion, but I couldn't seem to find my own stand, put those thoughts into suitable words, and spell it out of my mouth. I was quiet, while the other me in my head was making noises, struggling to scream out while I constraint him.

*a cresendo from piano to forte, the music turned aggressive, and abruptly, a rest. the notes hung on the air for a split second, fade away, and was taken over by a more relaxing melody, back to pianissimo.*

Do not be puzzled. I am clear that I am still not a christian, but people around me are. These people gaves me a sense of direction, a direction of what I want to be (note: not religiously), and what I am going to be, a vision which no other except myself can see, no others can feel.

The famous quote, 'to be or not to be, that is the question', which I don't have the answer to.

*the music ends, waited for 2 long seconds before the third song plays. tempo - adante in 2/2, Yukie continues...*

Lullaby

搖籃曲 曲﹕陶吉吉

"看那紫藍的天 快要消失在一瞬間
無限美景的纏綿 ooh yeah... 我的寶貝也盼著明天

看著 你無邪的臉 這世界還像個樂園
孩子 夢裡笑的甜 ooh yeah... 在我懷裡你可以安眠

影子 是恐龍玩具 你的想像在惡作劇
月光在牆上和你玩遊戲
真假 有時難分清 到銀河邊緣摘星星
你的夢幻冒險我陪你去
別再哭 我就在你身邊 不會讓你有任何危險
緊緊握著你的小手陪你遠離一切的夢魘
為你做什麼我都情願

寶貝 乖乖蓋上被 窗外微風吹 你要學著不怕黑
未來 你要自己面對 生命中的喜悅與傷悲 mmm...

記得我的愛永遠相隨 Good night."

The Best Things in Life

What are the best things in life?

It is amazing that sometimes, someone can constraint him or herself in a confining room, not wanting to make any effort on fixing up his f**ked-up life, and still complains about how unfair the world is, but seriously, have you ever think of what the most important thing in life? when you come to think of it... its every where.

Life is not about having uncountable amount of money, its not about owning chicks with "big-fat-boobs, long-brown-hair" and retarded brains. Its even not about having lots and lots of friends, whats the point of having friends if you don't know how to cherish them, make them apart of your everyday life... genuinely?

What is life?

its about walking down the street in Wellington, holding an affordable 50 cents Mc soft serve ice-cream, enjoying it with your friends whose doing the same thing... sharing thoughts on how cold your hand is... and how fun it is to have ice-cream during the chilling Wellington autumn.

its about standing infront of the stove, trying to figure out what to do with the piece of raw beef, decided to grill it when you don't have a clue how to, but turns out to be a yum (hint: use barbecue sauce, easy as that).

its about having some friends who are willing to sacrifice some of their time merely just to come to your surprise b'day party, wishing you a happy birthday sincerely in person, and some brought home baked cake (Yummy..)--> when you thought your b'day will be a quiet one...

its about having someone to share your thoughts and experience with while they are willing to listen and always ready to give advise.

its about sitting in an old chinese restaurant with beers and dim sum on the table, chating with a friend all night long without any serious business tangling in your crapy brain.

it about getting free sausages and lollies during the orientation of your University, together with a bunch of friends, who are crazy enough to line up 2 to 3 times... each.

its about getting away, with a 14 kg backpack and with someone who appreciates backpacking as you do, and experience the hardship of walking in strangers' land, with not much money in your pocket.

its about lying on a beach with pure-white-soft sand in the evening, the sea breeze touches your face gently, listening to The Phantom of The Opera, looking at the starry night, and meteors dividing the sky ocassionally.

its about your mom and dad sending you to an oversea University to fulfil your dreams of experiencing life in a new environment while they dip themselves completely into their work, merely just to make this possible.

its about waking up one morning to find a genuine testimonial in your friendster, and enjoy the words written by your friends about you.

its about cooking your friends a good meal, see them enjoy it, finally washing the dishes yourself, because you know washing dishes is relaxing, and you can take the time to quiet down to think back some of the things you've gone through.

I can sit here all day doing this, but what I really want to say is, its these small tiny puny things in life which in the end sums up to a life full of unexpected joy.

The best thing in life, my friend, is knowing how to cherish.

Guitars

A picture of me trying out a Gibson guitar, this is like the coolest picture of me ever. My friend, Nic took this picture while I was concentrating (yeah, seriously, I wasn't posing...). Thanks to him, I get to feel good for a sec. haha...

Rainbow

Stunning...

I was lying comfortably on my red sofa, watching the very funny "Simpsons" went suddenly my flatmate went out to the balcony and scream to me, ''RAINBOW!".

''RainbowSs'', I should say. There were TWO of them.

This is by far the biggest, closest, most gorgeous rainbow I had ever seen. Me and my flatmate was squeezing in the balcony, screaming, laughing and taking pictures. Oh yeah, we were insane. But trust me, you'll do the exact things me and my flatmate did if you were here in our shoes.

"You'll still see rainbow even during storm'', Amen...

Superman Vs. Spiderman

What a coincidence?

Was just talking about the awesome Spiderman and the lousy Superman, (if you just join us, please read the previous post). haha...

I just finished my horrible Finance lecture and was walking towards the bus station when I saw the new issue of 'Salient' uni Magazine lying on the free-magazine rack. I've always like to read it. It's a weekly magazine published by a bunch of uni students, who seriously don't have nothing to do and think about, except sitting in the publishing room with bad ventilation system and write about craps. But get one thing straight, its the crap that I liked.

Picked a copy up, feeling excited.

As I flipped through the magazine, this particular page caught my attention. Its about spidy versus tong boy, its like a 'left' and 'right' debate thing, arguing which of these super heroes are cooler, pretty stupid huh? (get the idea what crap is in this mag.? and they dare to known themselves as Salient?) ANYWAY, I read through the whole thing, and I am obviously NOT going to tell you guys the details, its a 3000 words (at least) debate. But, it was pretty interesting though to see how grown ups can still argue like a child over their favorite super hero (but, I'm reading it, that makes me what?) haha...

Who is the coolest then?

tong boy, go home. Spidy, you rooooooooooock.

To Brandon...

I got myself connected to the net that 13th of April morning, again, the usual routines, check my mailboxES, reply them... I saw an email from Friendster, I clicked on my 'Favorites' and click on 'Friendster.com'. Anxiously, I was wondering what this testimonial will be about?

''Well, well, well Somebodys turning 21 in New Zealand, which I believe is one of his passions in life to be out there, in some foreign place, learning and experiencing as much as he can. Well, since I can't buy u dinner on your Bday,I guess I'll write u a testimonial instead. For starters, after knowing this guy for 18 years, since I was only 3, this guy is definitely a fun and outgoing person, not to mention nice to hang out with too. He's also someone that treasures experiences and appreciates the small and often finer things in life and thus makes him an interesting and truly inspiring friend. To keep this short and sweet, I believethat u will be able to accomplish anything as long as u put ur heart and soul into it, and may you be ever ready to greet further challenges in life, as there'll definitely be great things instore for u. As they say, the ABCs of success: Ability, Breaks & Courage. All there is to it...'', by Brandon Chua .

Lets talk a little bit about this guy, Brandon. He is one of those whom I had known for my whole life, he is, no doubt, one of my best friend, no wait... in fact, my Brother. We started playing together since we were 3 in kindergartern, he use to known himself as Superman, and me, the unbeatable Spiderman. *LOL* Those were seriously some great time. We maintain our close relationship till secondary school, we studied in different school, and we lost contact.

It wasn't til a few years ago I regained contact with him, and we started hanging out again, often. We shared everything, when I say everything, I really mean EVERYTHING (you know what they are, Brandon... wink* wink*) haha, sounds dodgy huh? Anyway, he really shares stuff, he taught me a lot of things (Tony Buzan!!! for one...), and for that, I'd really like to thank him. (There is one more thing I'd like to point out, his head is Huge, Darn!! sorry Bran...haha).

My birthday? A quiet relaxing one, but I don't need a huge-grand-splendid celebration, its these kind of small stuffs, like a genuine testimonial that matters most to me.

Hazzy Morning

I let myself down again.

When I woke up, its already 11 o'clock, 'Crap!' was the first word that came out from my mouth. I promised myself that I will wake up earlier the night before, but when my alarm turned on at 9 o'clock, it was like the hailing of hell, Death was right in front of my door step, about to claim away my 'precious'----> SLEEP! the terrible-horrible-petrifying sound was unbearable. No matter how unwilling I am, I used a massive amount of energy to lift my eyelid open, and use my hand to grab the very heavy Nokia phone that seemed to be distance away, but in fact, it was just merely 20 cetimetres away, somehow my disipline was either still sleeping, or gone for a vacation, maybe to Samoa Island (somewhere I really wanna go)... so I though, 'arg... what the heck, just another half an hour won't do no harm...?'

The next time I woke up, my disipline found its way back, and I was waffling all to myself, saying how irresponsible I was towards my own promise to myself, how I let my self down again...

The house was empty. I felt kinda moody.

Whats the 'main idea' (2 words that I often came across lately, due to some course...and some essay) of this blog? none, just felt like writing something in this hazzy morning, this Day...

Har~ har~ waste your 2 minutes to read it! 'crap...'

Farewell and Goonight

''goodnight,

to every little hour that you

sleep tite,

may it hold you through the winter of a

long night

and keep you from the loneliness,

of yourself

heart strung,

is your heart frayed and empty cause it's

hard luck,

when no one understands your love it's

unsung, and i say

goodnight, my love,

to every hour in every day

goodnight, always,

to all that's pure,

thats in your heart

goodnight,

may your dreams be so happy and your

head lite,

with the wishes of a sandman and a

night light

be careful not to let the bedbugs

sleep tight,

nestled in your covers

the sun shines but i don't

a silver rain will wash away

and you can tell, it's just as well

goodnight, my love,

to every hour in every day

goodnight, always

to all that's pure that's in your heart''

Distance...

Distance. What is the defination of far? How far will it have to be?

Try 8000 Km.

What will be hard to go on when there is distance? the big word, with four letters, LOVE.

Had been talking about 'distance love' with my friends 2 weeks ago, but I did not put it in my mind since then, I kinda forgot about the chat after that day, but today as I was walking back from my Uni (after over 6 hours in the library, struggling to get my lousy essay done), the wind was chilling cold, this chat suddenly strucked my head... and since I was all bored of walking all alone, I started to think about the hardship 2 will go through in a distance-relationship...

haha, oh... I got one... got into a fight, wanna sort things out, but the phone lags 2 seconds, how inconvenient is that?

You can't imagie how your creativity will lead you to a facinating tour around your stupidity... haha... well, at least mind did, thought of some really stupid things, but then, these stupid thoughts shorten the distance to home... haha..

8th floor of the LIBRARY

Just felt bored in the Uni library... miss my pictures?

Traffic Lights

I can make the best coffe ever!

Drank 2 cups of coffee at my friends place, both of us were talking since 9.30 pm. When I finished up my 2nd coffee, its already 4 hours later... I washed up the coffee cups, and took off from my friends place.

My friends flat was just a few hundred metres away from where I stay. On the way walking back to my place, guess what I saw? Nothing special...

A traffic light junction.

Ever wonder when there is no traffic on the road, what will the traffic lights do? do they shut down and take a rest? Of course, they DO NOT.Then what right do I have to say that I am tired of studying, I get at least 8 hours of sleep everyday, I can have myself a break after every hour of studying... what right do I have?

The innocent traffic lights, left to wait till the dawn...

Markowitz Theory

'Asset i, CAPM, infinite time period, alpha, rate of return, Markowits theory...'

These were the horrible-annoying stuffs I saw when I flipped through my finance notebook. I glanced at my watch, and it reads '5.35pm', I thought, 'Holly Smoully... I had been sitting here, in the 8th floor of the library for five and a half hours already? reading these craps...?'

Having this thought in my mind, I decided to give my self a break, I streched my body, yawned and looked through the window just beside of me, I felt a sudden quietness in my mind. The clouds were gloomy, from within the library, I couldn't felt the wind, I saw the city below me... motionless, and the sea beyond the city was so calm...

I picked up my pen, not wanting to write something, but wanting to put it back to my pencil case, packed my notes and books, wore my windbreaker and left the building, its like my body was out of control, they were moving themselve. I can't stop them? or did I even tried to stop them?

Whats Markowitz theory at the end of the day?

I'd say, 'F*** Markowitz...'

Dumarsel

What a Dumarsel I am!!

Had been taking up some swedish class with my friend, another swedish friend, who known herself as Dinki, for those who do not know, 'Dumarsel' is DUMB-ASS in english...

Just wanna share something good with you guys, haha...

you DUMARSEL...

Bye-bye America...

Oh I'm so gonna miss America...
(Vivaldi's famous WINTER in FOUR SEASON plays...)

Don't get me wrong, I haven't been to the states lately, it is just that, I will not be going to the states (which I originally had plan to go by the end of June this year) in the near future, well, actually the distance future...

25th of June is an ocassion to remember, it is my beloved elder sister's wedding, in a small town call Macomb, roughly 47 minutes away (by Air) from Chicago. My mom said that she will be willing to cover my airplane ticket from New Zealand to the states and back, is not that she refuse to pay now, its that I refuse to accept it...

Why did I throw away one of my few chances in a lifetime to go to the states?

The answer is 'the root of all evil'

Lets count:
- trip to Aucland's US embassy for an one hour interview (which is a must, can't do it in Wellington) - cost NZD 150 by train which will take me 12 hours to reach there! (But it would be fun, to look around NZ... haha...)

- US VISA - cost NZD 160 (can live with this...)

- Flight Taxes - cost about NZD 250 (Shit!)

- Airplane ticket - Flying with Qantas (return ticket) - cost roughly NZD 3000 (What the F***!)

That consequently adds up to an irritating amount of NZD 3560, if converted back to Malaysian Ringgit (exchange rate - RM 2.7 for NZD 1), RM 9612 (which irritates even more...). Both me and my mom agree that a one-week-trip to the states does not worth RM 10000, but it is I who made the decision to not go... a painful, but relieving decision...

Guess I'll have to wait for my time to come, for now, Bye-bye America...